It’s Great Up Here

By Karen O’Connor –

I was sorry to hear about the unexpected death of my neighbor, Carl. I knew it would be difficult for his wife, Marion. They’d recently celebrated forty-five years of marriage and in recent months they were inseparable—well almost. Marion was totally committed—devoted even––to keeping Carl healthy so he’d be around for a long time. She couldn’t imagine life without him. And I could see why. He was tall and still good-looking for seventy-nine years and he was a fix-it man besides. There was nothing Carl couldn’t do around the house and yard. Maybe Marion had an ulterior motive for serving her hubby seaweed and wheat germ!

I have to admit, though, sometimes it was a real drag to be with them, especially at community potlucks or holiday buffets. Marion was a broken record (make that a CD) on the subject of healthy eating. She prepared lots of veggies, bran muffins from scratch, raw fruit at every meal, and plenty of fresh, purified water. And whether or not you wanted her advice on how to renew your energy, you got it.

Carl went along with the plan because he loved her and he wasn’t the kind to make waves in a calm sea, but I could see the mischief in his eyes when she wasn’t looking. His friends saw it too.

Henry, who lived in the house behind Carl and Marion, once told me that when he and Carl met for lunch on the days Marion played golf, Carl indulged himself in all the no-no’s like chocolate cake (sometimes two big slices), hot fudge sundaes, eggs cooked in bacon grease, and a double portion of pure whipped cream on his apple pie. He loved them all. Figured it didn’t hurt to have a little fun once in awhile as long as he was being “good” most of the time.

Carl used to joke about what it would be like in heaven. He could imagine St. Peter ushering him through the pearly gates and then pointing for miles around at the huge buffet tables filled with all the goodies Carl loved. And best of all, they wouldn’t be forbidden in heaven. Surely God wouldn’t post a list of healthy and unhealthy foods. New creatures in Christ wouldn’t have to worry about counting calories anymore.

“There will be no more tears and no more pain in heaven,” he said chuckling at the prospect, “so I won’t have to watch what I eat. No cholesterol to check either!”

Henry said now that Carl was gone, he could picture his dear friend looking down on him and shouting, “Henry, it’s great up here. No diets, no exercise regimes, no restrictions, no bran muffins. If I’d have known all this ahead of time, I’d have come a lot sooner.”

Heaven does sound heavenly at this point in life. There are still so many things to deal with on this side of eternity. I’m watching Marion now that her partner has left for his reward.

Sometimes I ache for the time when I won’t forget where I laid my glasses, whether or not I brushed my teeth, what my own phone number is. But then I stop and realize it’s wrong to wish my life away. God will bring me “home” soon enough. Meanwhile, pass the bran muffins.

You Say Bedazzle; I Say Embezzle

By Jodi Whisenhunt –

James said it best, “But no human being can tame the tongue” (James 3:8). That silly little muscle can stir up more trouble—or in my case, embarrassment—than walking down a high school corridor in front of the entire football team with toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Yes, I speak from experience.

Not long ago, my sister came to visit. We got together at my brother’s house, ate some delish barbecue, swam and caught up on each other’s happenings. My sister said she was looking for some good glue to repair jewel embellishments on her shoe. I knew of a great one and launched into the whole tale of how my friend discovered it when she needed to embezzle her kids’ dance costumes. You saw that right. I said my friend embezzled dance costumes.

My brain didn’t catch the slip, so I kept right on talking, but my sister cocked her head, looked at me strangely and giggled. I was confused. I didn’t think I was telling a funny story.

“What?” I asked.

“How do you embezzle costumes?” she asked. And I felt like a dunce. It wasn’t the sun that reddened my cheeks.

“Well,” I said, “You do need sticky fingers to nab jewels!”

Oh, the tongue! “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech” (1 Peter 3:10). I don’t think my mixed up words conveyed evil, but they were a bit deceitful and certainly conjured up an interesting visual. I guess that’s why James advised us to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). Always be careful not to bedazzle your speech!

On a side note, it has nothing to do with language, but to this day I still check my shoes before exiting the ladies room.

10 Things I Learned

By Kim Stokely –

Well, the day has finally come. My youngest has gone off to college. For my friends who are still battling the mommy blues, wondering what happened to your life, I provide the following 10 things I’ve learned about surviving the early years.

10. Most unauthorized things they eat won’t kill them. My children survived eating cookies they’d made out of Play-Do and various old cereal pieces they found on the floor. I’m not saying to let them get into the ant bait, but really, a bug or two won’t hurt them.

9. Germs are smart and understand human language. They hear the word “vacation” or “deployment” and get to work. Your best laid plans will be way-laid by an ear infection or strep throat. Learn to roll with the punches and carry a small pharmaceutical department with you. Especially on road trips.

8. Let your “no” mean NO and your “yes” mean SURE THING. Never confuse either of these words with MAYBE.

7. This one is a corollary to #8. If you’ve threatened a consequence for a behavior, follow through with it, even if it means more pain for you. A dinner out in a restaurant often became take-out when we had waiters pack up our food to go.

6. The best toys are free or really cheap. Walks in the trees became grand adventures in the Hundred Acre Woods. The latest gadgets soon broke or were forgotten, but a picnic lunch in the toy closet with flashlight became a lasting memory.

5. You can’t spoil children by giving them things you want to give them, but by giving them things they demand. It’s a subtle but important difference kids pick up quickly.

4. As often as you can, eat together. We rarely had conversation that I’d label intelligent, but our kids knew they were important enough that we wanted to sit down and talk with them. As they’ve gotten older, my husband and I have saved a bunch of money on tickets to movies and comedy shows. Our kids perform for us regularly over pasta bowls and sloppy Joes!

3. Be prepared to read your child’s favorite story book over and over and over again. Not just at bedtime, but several times throughout the day. You may want to gouge your eyes out, but they are learning and loving the gift of your time and the magic of a story.

2. As a corollary to #3, don’t be afraid to change things up a little when they get older. My husband got tired reading the same books to the kids at bedtime and one day changed up some of the story. It soon became a tradition to see how far he could mangle it and still come up with the same ending. I can still hear the gales of laughter coming from their bedrooms!

1. Again, I know you’ve heard it from a lot of people, but these early years do go by fast. Enjoy them for everything they’re worth: the good (when your kids think you’re superhuman, hugs after bath time when they’re still warm and their hair smells like baby shampoo), the bad (temper tantrums in Wal-Mart, birthday parties with 15 screaming pre-schoolers), and the ugly (stomach flues at midnight). Know that there is life after parenthood, although you may have a few more gray hairs and a little less of your sanity.

Pride Goeth Before a Marriage Conference

By Connie Cavanaugh –

Women buzzed around the “Love and Respect” marriage conference registration table in the church foyer, eager to sign up. The men leaned on the walls, staying well back. They had been to these gigs before and weren’t too keen on spending money to learn how messed up they were. The women, me included, secretly hoped our husbands would hear all the things they were doing wrong, smarten up, and become more like us.

The conference facilitators were Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs. I had seen their video clips on their web site and I figured Emerson would disarm us with laughter, then he’d swoop in for the kill: all the men would see their mistakes and repent, they would commit themselves to try harder and we women would go home validated. I couldn’t wait!

Erelong I would discover that pride goeth before a marriage conference.

We gathered on Friday night and took our seats amid the noisy throng. As expected, Emerson had us hooting with laughter as he dramaticly played both roles in a marital spat. Before long I was riveted to my seat as he talked about the way our culture had vilified men for 30 years — in an attempt to raise awareness and create gender equality, popular culture has normalized male bashing and tried to feminize men. He explained that God created men and women equal but different and it was that “different-ness” that provided the romantic spark as well as fostered the misunderstandings.

The more Emerson talked, the taller my husband sat. I, however, was sinking, stunned by my naivety. This was a spiritual encounter with Truth and it would set me free from the cultural lies I had swallowed for years.

I watched my husband and dozens of other men fight back tears when Emerson talked about a man’s primal need for respect in a culture that is saturated with romantic notions of love but sadly lacking in respect. I learned that a man gladly serves and dies for country and family from a sense of honor. That is his way of showing love. Too often, he isn’t thanked or even recognized.

I learned things my parents and grandparents grew up knowing, that when a man works hard and provides for his family, he is serving them in love and this service is worthy of respect. Because my husband has always been quick to say, “I love you” and is very affectionate, I didn’t realize that while my need for love was constantly being met, his need for verbal respect was seriously underfed.

The one who needed to change was me, not my spouse. I had to start expressing my respect and stop taking his contribution for granted.

There was a decidedly different feeling in the air when the crowd was dismissed that night. Gone was the she-dragged-me-here look the men had arrived with three hours earlier. They could hardly wait to come back the next morning.

My husband was pumped! He yakked my ear off all the way home in the car. I was so raw with emotion I barely had the stamina to whisper, “Can you ever forgive me for not voicing my respect and appreciation more often for who you are and all you do?”

For too many years I assumed my husband was the one who needed to do all the changing, if he would just be more like me everything would be great, I thought. The good news is that while pride goeth before a marriage conference, humility cometh after.

Your Undercarriage Will Sparkle

By Liz Cowen Furman –

After the tragic events of 9-11, I felt compelled to show my patriotism in some way. It seemed most everybody in the area had the same thought. By the time I got to the store, there wasn’t a single flag remaining. So for the first time in my life, I ventured bravely into cyberspace to search for and buy a magnetic flag to display on our van. I accomplished this feat in record time and when the much-sought-after purchase arrived, I was thrilled. Emblazoned across the magnetic sign was the American flag and underneath were the words “God Bless America.” Perfect.

The first few times I drove around town with the sign on the car, I would look in my rearview mirror to see if the driver behind me noticed my cool magnet. I felt I was making a statement “I believe in this country and the freedom for which it stands!” However, the very first time I took the van through the “touch-free” carwash, I forgot to take my new flag off and it was washed away. UGH!

When I realized my show of patriotism had slipped off, I knew it had to be on the floor of the car wash. So the next morning, Micah, Matthew and I stopped by the car wash after we dropped Martin at choir just as it was starting to snow. As we pulled up a gentleman was about to enter and the door to the bay was slowly lifting.

Seizing the moment, I jumped from the van and dashed toward his window. I politely asked if I could sprint in ahead of him and retrieve my little flag. He waved me on enthusiastically. I waited for the door to open and entered the bay. As I entered, the little electric eye must have caught sight of me. In an instant the undercarriage wash came on with such startling force that I was airborne before I knew what had hit me. A flying leap took me through the spray and when I landed the pre-rinse immediately opened up, drenching me from head to toe. Without looking at the man in his car behind me, I escaped as fast as I could with no flag to show for my troubles.

The howls of laughter rocking my van told me that Matthew and Micah had witnessed the entire show. As I crawled behind the wheel of the van, icicles forming on my brow, I couldn’t help but share in the laughter. Despite my frozen exterior, joining in the hilarity with my boys warmed my heart. I’m not sure, however if the man who treated me to his car wash ever recovered.

The next Sunday morning as we passed by the car wash on our way to church, my husband, Dave slowed the car and said, “Hey Liz, if you need a shower we will wait.” And we laughed all over again. Times like this remind me that God has a great sense of humor, and we do well not to take ourselves too seriously.

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