Changing

By Joy Thomas 

When I bought the house, the fruit trees were already dying.  The wild grapevines overwhelmed them and had blocked the light.  I wanted to put in new trees, but clearing the vines and killing the grapevine roots proved too big a job for me.  I prayed for help.  One day, my neighbor hired a tree service to remove some trees along the fence.  Here was help coming right to my backyard!  I walked out to the pasture and asked the tree man to remove the dead trees.  He gave me a good price.  He also encouraged me to get a few goats to keep the ivy under control.

It turned out some of the ivy was poison.  The itchy redness on my arms developed into full-blown blisters.  The rash spread to my legs and neck, it itched, oozed and blistered.  It was maddening, even with steroids and antihistamines.  I wore long sleeves to cover the mess, and put makeup on my neck and eyelids so I could go to work.  I hoped that no one would stare at my swollen face.  I asked God to heal me, but He didn't.  I asked people to pray for me I could feel His love, but the rash remained in all its grossness.  It didn't look like my body; it looked like science fiction.  Nobody could see it but me.  I didn't want anyone to touch me, see me, or talk to me.  All I could think about was me – how I felt, and whether or not I was getting better.  I was alone even when I was with people.  I was in prison even though I had the freedom to come and go.  I felt ugly and unlovable.
God didn't answer my prayers for healing.  I didn't feel close to Him and it was hard to pray for people.  But I prayed anyway, because I didn't know what else to do.  Then I noticed that even though I was not getting healed, people I prayed for were touched.  My son got a scholarship.  My dad went to church.  My cat came home.  My financial needs were met.  God was listening.  He was loving me even though I looked a mess.  That's how God loves.  He overlooks my sin and my shame.  Though I judge myself unworthy, He sees me with different eyes.  I am beautiful to Him no matter what I look like on the outside.  Underneath my sin, I am lovable.  No matter how uncomfortable I may be and how much I wish to escape, He is there with me, smiling at me.

When I’m willing to believe it, then I can be changed.

I can have glowing skin and sparkling eyes.  I can wear the latest fashions with flattering colors.  I can work out and lose weight.  I can develop great abs and toned arms…or not.  My Beloved is mine, and I am still His.  I'm no longer judging myself unworthy of God's love.  He settled it by dying for me, by living with me, and by loving me.  He sees me as I really am.  He sees me how He created me – lovable and beautiful.

And guess what?

He does the same for you.