Dog Days and Other Summer Myths

By Kathi Macias –

Like any kid, when I was young I couldn’t wait for school to end and summer to begin. Ah, those long, warm, lazy days! I started counting down to their arrival along about the first of May. By the time the last day of school finally showed up, I could barely get through until that final bell. Read more

The Tooth, the Whole Tooth, and Nothing but the Tooth…

By Darren Marlar –

I’ve always wondered… what exactly does the tooth fairy do with all of the teeth she collects?

What possible reason would there be for a fairy to go into the tooth-hauling business in the first place? If you think about it, she has to be selling the baby teeth of children on some kind of child tooth enamel black market. After all, we don’t see “Children’s Teeth” on store shelves or under the counter at pharmacies around the world – so they have to be going somewhere else.

First you must ask yourself where does all of the money come from that the Tooth Fairy leaves for the teeth? The repulsive idea of carrying around saliva-encrusted canines, molars, and bicuspids from the mouths of millions of children around the world must somehow be lessened by the financial reward the Tooth Fairy is able to obtain from turning in the teeth to some underground organization possibly led by a tooth godfather.

The Molar Mafia (which I can only assume exists, as I have no definitive proof), must then have quite a list of buyers. What happens to the teeth at that point is anybody’s guess, but I do have a theory. The Molar Mafia pays a handsome price for the teeth collected – and children of the world only see a small percentage of that.

Have you noticed that the pricing of teeth changes from year to year, generation to generation, and even tooth to tooth? Think about it. Sometimes a tooth earns the child a quarter. Sometimes a half dollar. Some fortunate children may receive a dollar or more for the tooth that is placed under their pillows at night. This can only be due to market fluctuations and possibly DNA testing of the individual teeth to determine their quality and value. This probably also explains why the Tooth Fairy works in the dead of night while everyone is asleep, as it takes time to do all of the necessary tests and experiments on the tooth to determine its value so the Tooth Fairy can then properly reimburse the child for their contribution. We’ll not even go into the possibility of children having gold or silver fillings, as it is blatantly obvious why a Tooth Fairy would be interested in such a rare find.

Regardless of condition, the tooth is taken 100% of the time. What is left, due to the nature of business with supply and demand, is only a percentage of what that tooth is truly worth. My guess is the child gets, at the most, 10% of what it’s worth to the Tooth Fairy. So at twenty-five cents for the child, I’m guessing the Tooth Fairy actually turns the individual tooth over to the Molar Mafia for close to $2.50; quite a profitable business for the Tooth Fairy, considering the billions of children around the world who lose their teeth as they approach their teen years.

Of course, the Molar Mafia is not going to pay that much unless it too has buyers. And as with all underground operations, a healthy profit is to be made by the Molar Mafia… that’s a given. So somewhere out there is another organization willing to pay, perhaps, $5.00 per tooth or more!

Mind-blowing, isn’t it? So the question now is, who on earth would pay $5.00 or more for a single tooth?

Which brings us to the makers of dentures…

Darren Marlar is a stand-up comedian specializing in clean corporate events.  To have Darren Marlar as part of your next event, visit his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.

Chocolate Treasure

By Rhonda Rhea –

Somebody gave me a big box of chocolates last week. I was so excited. Chocolates, man. It was one of those boxes of chocolates with the map in the lid. To me? That lid diagram was a treasure map. There are times when there’s nothing sweeter than digging for treasure. Read more

The 5-Minute Rule

By  Emily Parke Chase –

My husband, with a professional math journal propped on his lap, falls sound asleep in the recliner after dinner. When he awakes two hours later, I am finishing my work in the kitchen and heading to bed myself. We climb into bed and read for a few minutes before turning off the light. Read more

Power Cord Outage

By Lynn Rebuck –

After years of my own diligent research and experimentation, I have discovered that electronic appliances work better if you plug them in first.  I do not regret the time I have spent in this academic pursuit, watching toasters that don’t toast, observing coffee makers that refuse to make coffee, and studying printers that fail to print. Read more

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