Let Me Do It!

By Emily Parke Chase –

“Let me do it! Let me! You always get to say what you want on the paper, but it’s my turn!”

Can this really be happening? This ordinary, subservient pen is rebelling? My ballpoint, a recent acquisition from a bank teller’s counter, is demanding a say in my writing?

“Let me control the flow of ink for once. Your fingers grip me so tightly, pushing me this way and that. Did it ever, even once, occur to you that I might not want to go from left to right? Or that I might not like being squeezed by my own personal python? Have you ever considered that I might have a thought or two of my own to offer your readers?”

I look over my shoulder and hope no one walks into my study, because I’m about to have a conversation with my…pen?

“So why not let me have a turn? After all, see those little initials there on my clip?”

You mean, B.I.C.?

“That’s right.  Haven’t you ever wondered what they stand for?”

Um, give me a chance. Business, Industry, Corporation? Bossiness, Idiocy and Craziness? I’ll bite, what do they mean?

“Bite? Ouch, that’s another gripe I have. When you need to think, you chomp down and chew on a defenseless piece of plastic. How would you like to take a bath in saliva while sharp molars dig into your ribs?”

Get to the point. What do the letters B.I.C. stand for?

“Very cute. ‘Get to the point.’ They call it a nib, for your information. As for those letters, try this on for size: Bursting In Creativity.”

Ridiculous! You made that up.

“And that statement, my friend, proves my thesis. I’m bursting with creativity, ready to share my thoughts with a waiting world. You, on the other hand, you have been doodling, aimlessly pouring out my life’s blood all over this page. You are stewing over what to write for this column, while here at hand – in your hand, for that matter – is the answer to your need.”

So let’s imagine I allowed you, my ballpoint, to take control. Just one time. What profound thoughts would you want to communicate with my readers?

“Depression is a big issue these days. Writing in blue ink day after day has taught me a lifetime of lessons on dealing with the blues.”

Try again.

“What about the transitory nature of life? Philosophers go on and on pondering that topic. Think about the advantages of indelible ink. And I have no eraser.”

Anything else to offer?

“Consider the power of the written word. Take all that power, concentrate it in a single ink cartridge, and imagine its impact on world peace.”

Give up, I sigh. My fingers grasp my pen anew and push it across my writing pad. Wait! Is that a faint snort of exasperation I hear? A large glob of ink smears across the page.

”You are a letter from Christ . . . written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God”  (2 Corinthians 3:3, NIV).

(The author of this article is busy searching for a new pen, but feel free to visit her at emilychase.com.)

The Start of Something Good…or Not!

By Kathi Macias –

I’ve always been one of those “half-full” kind of people (as opposed to half-empty). You know what I mean—an optimist who prefers to focus on the positive rather than the negative and who usually expects things to get better instead of worse. But sometimes that’s not an easy stance to maintain.

Let’s face it. Even we half-full people get stuck in the middle of half-empty ones much of time, don’t we? How about the recent Christmas gathering where you were chatting with a handful of attendees, telling them about how grateful you were to be feeling better lately? The half-empty pessimist responds with, “That’s what happened to my Uncle Ned right before he died.”

Thanks, buddy.

Someone else in the group tries to turn the conversation back to a cheerful note by commenting about how God has blessed him with a raise. Another Gloomy Gus pipes up with, “Some bosses do that just before they fire you.”

Really? Of course not! We know how ridiculous that reasoning is, but it’s tough to counter, isn’t it?

The one that really gets me, though, is the “life-is-awful-and-then-you-die” sage, who thinks he’s so clever and deep by tossing that tidbit into the mix. Some of the other comments I can ignore, but that’s one I just can’t let go by.

When someone throws the “and then you die” phrase at me, I smile and say, “Yes! Isn’t that wonderful? No matter how tough things might be here on earth, it will all be over in the blink of an eye, and if we know Jesus as our Savior, we get to go be with Him!”

If the person knows the Lord, that usually turns him or her back to the right focus. If not, it can open an avenue for a great discussion. What better time to watch for that sort of opportunity than at the onset of a brand new year? January is the perfect occasion for emphasizing fresh starts and promising goals. It’s the time of year when nearly everyone comes up with some sort of New Year’s resolution:

“I’m finally going to lose that pesky twenty pounds this year.” (Right. Anyone who goes to a gym knows the place is packed out in January—nearly empty by mid-February!)

“I’m going to try to patch things up with Aunt Martha so family gatherings won’t be so strained in the coming year.” (A worthy goal, indeed!)

“I’m going to write that book…climb that mountain…take that class…learn to paint…practice the piano…” (You get the picture.)

The bottom line is that we all know our life isn’t what it should/could be, and the New Year seems to offer us a chance to make it better. Sadly, few resolutions ever amount to anything more than another crushed dream or one more guilt trip to add to the already mountain-size baggage we’ve been lugging around from previous years.

So why am I a half-full optimist rather than a half-empty pessimist? Because I’ve learned one thing in life (not much else, I’m afraid, but it’s enough!), and that’s that it isn’t about me: life, the universe, circumstances, eternity, or anything else. I didn’t make me, and I can’t change me. But I know the One who can, and He is more willing to do so than I can ever be. In Philippians 1:6 He promises to complete the “good work” He began in me, and I’m just simple enough to believe that and let Him do it.

Won’t you join me in that half-full attitude and give the past (last year and all the years before it) to God, and then ask Him to fulfill His purpose for you in the coming year? If we do that, I can assure you that 2011 will be the best ever. The choice is up to us; the rest is up to Him. And that’s a really good place to start the New Year!

Kathi Macias (www.kathimacias.com; http://kathieasywritermacias.blogspot.com) is an award-winning author of more than 30 books, including her latest release, Red Ink, from New Hope Publishers. Kathi and her husband, Al, live in Southern California, where the two of them spend their spare time riding Al’s Harley—hence, Kathi’s “road name” of Easy Writer.

A Piece of My Mind

By Rhonda Rhea –

I thought about giving somebody a piece of my mind the other day. Then I thought, “Know what? I really can’t spare it!” I tend to suffer a bit of a brain cell shortage as it is. Why should I give any away when I need every piece?

But isn’t it amazing how some people know just how to find our anger buttons…and then they jump up and down on them?

I don’t wonder for a second why there’s so much in the Bible about relationships—heavy on the patience and forbearing and forgiveness and the go-the-extra-mile kind of love. I think so much of Scripture is dedicated to relationships because our Heavenly Father knows they can be oh so hard. Let’s face it, people can be jerky. And even when they’re not, sometimes I am.

So I guess this is just a little charge for all of us today. Let’s love each other. It’s our calling. Jesus said in John 13:34-35, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (NIV). Jesus gave it in the form of a command, not as a suggestion. And according to our Savior Himself, we wear our love for each other as a Disciple ID badge. We can show the world that Jesus makes a difference in our lives.

It does require extra humility and patience. But there’s nothing like living in obedience, and living in a way that promotes peace with God’s people. Paul instructed in Ephesians 4:2-3, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (NIV). Hmm. Peace of mind instead of a piece of my mind. Not a bad trade.

Sometimes loving others involves getting rid of our own bad habits, impatient attitudes and short fuses. Ephesians 4:31-32 spells it out: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (NIV).

Difficult? Sometimes. But we not only have the forgiveness of God as our inspiration and the life of Christ as our example, but we also have the Holy Spirit living inside us, giving us everything we need to love others in His name. There’s hardly anything sweeter than enjoying obedience and the sweet bond of peace He gives when we love His people.

So, giving someone a piece of my mind? That makes less sense all the time. And if the Heavenly Father ever does some kind of brain cell inventory and I come up short, I don’t want it to be because I gave someone a piece of my mind. That would just be too embarrassing.

Now losing my mind, that’s something altogether different.

Rhonda Rhea is a radio personality, conference speaker, humor columnist and author of seven books, including High Heels in High Places and her newest book, Whatsoever Things Are Lovely: Must-Have Accessories for God’s Perfect Peace. You can find out more at www.RhondaRhea.org.

Wrapping up the Holiday

By Emily Parke Chase –

Shopping for Christmas gifts can be an exhausting task that involves dashing through the malls in a one-horse open sleigh, selecting gifts for that hard-to-please elf, and fighting the traffic on rooftops. Thus when it comes to wrapping gifts to put under the tree, some of us, and perhaps even Santa, run out of gas.

Wrapping packages probably dates back to prehistoric times when cavemen used wooly mammoth skins as gift wrap. As soon as less odorific alternatives were invented, people turned to papyrus, parchment, and finally paper. For many years, sheets of newspaper, especially the Sunday comics, worked fine. Of course, it took a few more years to invent cellophane tape. As a result, my friend’s gifts tend to resemble Egyptian mummies, using tape in place of gauze.

Next came bows. An enormous shiny bow on top of a package is like melted cheese on top of a church potluck casserole: It can hide a multitude of sins. In not-so-long ago times, believe it or not, people actually tied ribbons on their packages without help from professionals. Now we  pay others to fold, bend, and mutilate ribbons into complex shapes that rival my worst bad-hair day.

Boxes come in assorted sizes and shapes. They hide awkward bumps and lumps. Plain brown boxes worked fine until one day someone discovered they could shape them into unique sizes for specific items and thus let the whole world know that Dad was receiving a tie for Christmas. The next logical step was gift bags. These offered the perfect solution for last minute gifts. You could open the front door and receive a fruit cake from a neighbor, plop it in a bag as you walk through the house, and then open the back door and pass the cake along to the next deliveryman. Like boxes, these bags once came in various shades of brown, beige and ecru (a French word, meaning “brown”). Now they come decorated with holiday hues.

Still there is room for creativity. When my father asked for new cans of tennis balls for Christmas one year, my brothers and I wrapped each ball individually in Christmas wrap and tied them on a small Christmas tree. Dad tried very hard to thank us even as he grieved over the fact that the vacuum seals of the cans were destroyed in this process. (He experienced enormous relief when he discovered that the individually wrapped balls were actually used ones; with the new ones still safely stored in their air-tight cans under the tree.)

Is this painful ritual of wrapping Christmas gifts truly necessary? Is there any theological basis in scripture for this annual rite? Just one: Long before holiday wrapping paper, bows, boxes and gift bags became popular, God Himself took time to wrap up all His love in a bundle of  swaddling clothes. Then He placed His gift in a manger for us to find on Christmas morning.

Thank God for His Son, a gift too wonderful for words! (2 Cor. 9:15 NLT)

The author of this article is busy wrapping her gifts, but feel free to visit her at emilychase.com.

Jingle Bills

By Lynn Rebuck –

On the verge of a holiday spending spree and under the deadline pressure of unfinished Christmas shopping (okay, unstarted Christmas shopping is a more honest description), I write my annual Christmas column.

Please know that I will be at the mall Christmas Eve until it closes, surrounded by men who are shopping for their wives.  As the only woman shopper in the store, I will be asked numerous times for advice by these men.

My hope is that men will read this column before they go shopping, saving me time and saving them embarrassment on Christmas morning.  So here’s my advice for last-minute male shoppers:

No matter how supportive your wife is of your fishing or hunting hobby, she does not want an electronic fish that sings or a moose that dances.  No amount of justification will overcome the resentment of your purchasing season tickets to your favorite team “for her.”

Blenders are not sexy. Unless she has specifically, and in writing, directed you to purchase an appliance for her, stay out of the kitchen department.  Jewelry is a wonderful gift, but selecting it can be sometimes confusing.  There are numerous metals and stones to choose from, as well as different settings, cuts, and clasps. When in doubt, buy her the more expensive piece (ladies you can thank me later).

Do not buy her pierced earrings unless her ears are pierced.  If you have been married longer than two minutes, you should know this about her.  The item you selected is indicative of how much you know and care about her.

If you don’t know what size clothing your wife wears, don’t guess. Buy her jewelry instead.  No matter how tempting the sale may seem, do not buy a woman shoes.  Women seldom like practical gifts.  Do not, under any circumstances, buy a storm door for her, no matter how long she’s been mentioning it.

Fancy wrapping cannot cover an insincere gift (I think I read that in a fortune cookie once).  If the ink is still wet when she reads your Christmas card, you will be penalized.

Remember, before wrapping a gift remove the price tag.  A woman will not be impressed when handed an item that has been marked down several times over.  Don’t tell her how much money you saved on her present.  Tell your buddies and tell your Facebook friends, but don’t tell her.

Lynn Rebuck is an award-winning Christian humor columnist, speaker, and comedian. Check out her humor video “Two Nights Before Christmas” on her website, www.LynnRebuck.com. It’s a modern telling of the classic poem, told from a woman’s point of view.  Lynn would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment or you can email her at LynnRebuck@gmail.com. © 2010 Lynn Rebuck

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