Cat Goes To Heaven
By Ronnie Wyatt
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, "I am so glad to have you here, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know.” The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.” The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more”, and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
An Honest Mistake
By Ronnie Wyatt
One day, a young man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. Even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection, he decided to do the right thing and stop at the crosswalk. The tailgating woman pounded the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him. Her arms wailing and finger pointing let the young man know just how disgusted she is with him. In the middle of her ranting, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. To her surprise the officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He handcuffed her and took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell.
Become a Lesser Man
By Darren Marlar
Do you want to know the secret for getting people to compliment you on your weight or your figure? It’s easy. Buy pants that are three sizes too big. Suddenly you’ll hear things like, “Are you getting thinner? Those pants are just hanging on you!” I did that a couple of years ago with a moderate amount of success… until my waist and thighs decided to fill in the open gaps on their own. So now I’m legitimately trying to get into shape.
I Will Never Understand
By Ronnie Wyatt
I have been told that we grow wiser as we grow older. While there is some truth to that, I still struggle with a few things. Maybe you can help me with these. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is abbreviated" such a long word? Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Raising Chickens
By Ronnie Wyatt
A New York City yuppie had grown tired of the fast paced city life and decided to move to the country. Once he got settled in, the first thing that he did was to go to the local feed and livestock store.
