Walking in the Dark

By Heather Allen –

Tonight I read a rough draft my daughter is preparing for English class. I read the first paragraph and felt physical pain. So I quit reading and washed dishes. Determined, I went back to the computer, aching, as I read her thoughts about the different moves our family has made.

Our world was rocked hard four years ago. We stood on the brink of winter wondering what to do with life. We were where we wanted to be, where we believed God wanted us, doing what we loved doing. And then the bottom fell out. The verse that rang in my ears was Isaiah 50:10 (NIV), “When you walk in the dark and have no light, trust in the name of the Lord.” It was dark as I struggled to understand why God was allowing such chaos to befall our family.

We did not know where to go or what to do. So we waited. Nothing came. Nothing for months and months turned into three years. Out of the blue a job offer came that required another cross-country move. Our options seemed bleak. With uncertainty we packed our bare necessities and tried the situation for ten long months. And we realized there in our small rental that the call on our lives had not been revoked. So taking a leap, we did what we believe we were last told to do, ten years earlier. We made the move we either did not have the faith to make sooner, or had not seen as a clear option.

My daughter’s essay details her transient, vulnerable life. A life I never would have chosen for her. But then she writes how good God is, and that in the loneliness He is a friend like no other. I nod, mumbling to myself that this is better; her sweet heart knowing it can trust Jesus.

As the days grow shorter and darker, stacks of gifts are growing on my shelf.  My thoughts are turned towards celebrating Christ’s birth. In the ongoing days of trying to make new friends and acclimate to our surroundings, I meditate on a much larger move; the word becoming flesh and dwelling among us. On a night so many heartbreaks ago, God became man, Emmanuel. And every thing changed. My mind aches thinking of God living in the frail body of a man. Only God chooses vulnerability. We who lack strength, who are not glorious, see weakness and vulnerability as something to be hidden. Christ loved and allowed others to reject Him. But oh what He does for those who trust Him.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV).

On that night so long ago a star announced His birth: a star, announcing the glory of its Creator. He came knowing He would be despised. But the sin growing in the garden had only one hope of redemption. So the Word became flesh. Before the manger He was the pillar of fire at night. He has always moved despite the instability of our flesh. On this dark night my heart rejoices in a God that intervenes and saves. My heart leaps knowing the darkness will soon be turned to day and the King will again dwell in Israel.

Heather Allen spends most of her time carrying for her hubby and 3 kids.  Check out her blog: http://www.thebloodknot.blogspot.com/

Just Me

By Heather Allen –

During an hour layover in the Dallas airport, I entertained myself by watching fellow passengers.  This particular morning, I started comparing myself to what I saw. I dragged my luggage to the closest restroom. It might have been a two-mile walk and my bags felt like they contained my entire wardrobe. My already limp hair was now sleek from perspiration. Leaning toward the mirror, I frowned at the bags under my eyes and my uneven complexion. I backed up and took in the whole view. I pulled cosmetics out of my bag and went to work. And then despite my self-recrimination, one voice and thought stilled the rest. “Remember whose you are.”  I dropped my brush, everything stopped. Squinting, I looked back at the mirror. My throat felt tight, the perfumed smell of makeup irritated my nose. My gaze held, my mind grappling with the freedom of being accepted.

There are days when I am pretty sure I have no friends. But this is, of course, a lie. I am blessed to have women who love me enough to walk these dusty earth roads as my companions. Lonely days are beautiful in their own melancholy way. Drizzly heart rain often drives me to the shelter of His strong arms. And I stay there as His words pour like aloe on my sores. His kind of love soothes me. I wish I could see through His eyes every morning instead of my own. If I could whistle, my heart would script a new tune each morning as I delight in delighting Him.

When I was small I found it easy to believe I was a King’s daughter. I am not sure what changed. Maybe I listened to other voices and over time the King’s voice grew faint. But there in the Dallas Fort Worth Airport, I heard Him loudly enough to know I am His. I believe He wants me to remember because He loves me and would never have me believe I am less. But His purpose is probably much larger than I can yet see. I suppose a privilege of being daughter to the Creator is seeing Him recreate my mind. In this redemption, I find joyous surprise, learning He is the one who best defines beauty. If I grow more beautiful in time it will not be due to some cosmetic enhancer, it will be because my heart is more like His.

Heather Allen spends most of her time caring for her hubby and three kids.  Check out her blog: http://www.thebloodknot.blogspot.com/

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