Walking in the Dark

By Heather Allen –

Tonight I read a rough draft my daughter is preparing for English class. I read the first paragraph and felt physical pain. So I quit reading and washed dishes. Determined, I went back to the computer, aching, as I read her thoughts about the different moves our family has made.

Our world was rocked hard four years ago. We stood on the brink of winter wondering what to do with life. We were where we wanted to be, where we believed God wanted us, doing what we loved doing. And then the bottom fell out. The verse that rang in my ears was Isaiah 50:10 (NIV), “When you walk in the dark and have no light, trust in the name of the Lord.” It was dark as I struggled to understand why God was allowing such chaos to befall our family.

We did not know where to go or what to do. So we waited. Nothing came. Nothing for months and months turned into three years. Out of the blue a job offer came that required another cross-country move. Our options seemed bleak. With uncertainty we packed our bare necessities and tried the situation for ten long months. And we realized there in our small rental that the call on our lives had not been revoked. So taking a leap, we did what we believe we were last told to do, ten years earlier. We made the move we either did not have the faith to make sooner, or had not seen as a clear option.

My daughter’s essay details her transient, vulnerable life. A life I never would have chosen for her. But then she writes how good God is, and that in the loneliness He is a friend like no other. I nod, mumbling to myself that this is better; her sweet heart knowing it can trust Jesus.

As the days grow shorter and darker, stacks of gifts are growing on my shelf.  My thoughts are turned towards celebrating Christ’s birth. In the ongoing days of trying to make new friends and acclimate to our surroundings, I meditate on a much larger move; the word becoming flesh and dwelling among us. On a night so many heartbreaks ago, God became man, Emmanuel. And every thing changed. My mind aches thinking of God living in the frail body of a man. Only God chooses vulnerability. We who lack strength, who are not glorious, see weakness and vulnerability as something to be hidden. Christ loved and allowed others to reject Him. But oh what He does for those who trust Him.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV).

On that night so long ago a star announced His birth: a star, announcing the glory of its Creator. He came knowing He would be despised. But the sin growing in the garden had only one hope of redemption. So the Word became flesh. Before the manger He was the pillar of fire at night. He has always moved despite the instability of our flesh. On this dark night my heart rejoices in a God that intervenes and saves. My heart leaps knowing the darkness will soon be turned to day and the King will again dwell in Israel.

Heather Allen spends most of her time carrying for her hubby and 3 kids.  Check out her blog: http://www.thebloodknot.blogspot.com/

Just Me

By Heather Allen –

During an hour layover in the Dallas airport, I entertained myself by watching fellow passengers.  This particular morning, I started comparing myself to what I saw. I dragged my luggage to the closest restroom. It might have been a two-mile walk and my bags felt like they contained my entire wardrobe. My already limp hair was now sleek from perspiration. Leaning toward the mirror, I frowned at the bags under my eyes and my uneven complexion. I backed up and took in the whole view. I pulled cosmetics out of my bag and went to work. And then despite my self-recrimination, one voice and thought stilled the rest. “Remember whose you are.”  I dropped my brush, everything stopped. Squinting, I looked back at the mirror. My throat felt tight, the perfumed smell of makeup irritated my nose. My gaze held, my mind grappling with the freedom of being accepted.

There are days when I am pretty sure I have no friends. But this is, of course, a lie. I am blessed to have women who love me enough to walk these dusty earth roads as my companions. Lonely days are beautiful in their own melancholy way. Drizzly heart rain often drives me to the shelter of His strong arms. And I stay there as His words pour like aloe on my sores. His kind of love soothes me. I wish I could see through His eyes every morning instead of my own. If I could whistle, my heart would script a new tune each morning as I delight in delighting Him.

When I was small I found it easy to believe I was a King’s daughter. I am not sure what changed. Maybe I listened to other voices and over time the King’s voice grew faint. But there in the Dallas Fort Worth Airport, I heard Him loudly enough to know I am His. I believe He wants me to remember because He loves me and would never have me believe I am less. But His purpose is probably much larger than I can yet see. I suppose a privilege of being daughter to the Creator is seeing Him recreate my mind. In this redemption, I find joyous surprise, learning He is the one who best defines beauty. If I grow more beautiful in time it will not be due to some cosmetic enhancer, it will be because my heart is more like His.

Heather Allen spends most of her time caring for her hubby and three kids.  Check out her blog: http://www.thebloodknot.blogspot.com/

The Mentor

By Heather Allen –

If you have been part of a church for more than a millisecond, you’ve realized there’s an in crowd. At times I have been in, with all the right lingo pouring out, right smack in the A list. At times I have been out, splitting my time between figuring out how to get in and convincing myself why I don’t really want to be there.

I met a woman I considered a mentor. Of course, she had no idea who I was. But I tried to move into her life anyway. The problem was other people wanted to move in too, and before I knew it the only spot left was the basement closet…not exactly the hotspot. Not a place the owner visits much, just here and there when looking for holiday decorations or an old pair of boots to lend out. On those rare occasions when she would visit me, I sat on the edge of my seat hoping she would see something worthwhile in me, hoping she would invite me to the living room. She is something and if she likes me, maybe I’m something too. Perhaps the only thing worse than never meeting someone you greatly admire, is meeting, and realizing they could care less. I decided if she could just see the real me, things would be different. She would care.  I did everything I could to show her I was worth her time. I vacillated between feeling like a circus performer trying to juggle every new act just to get her attention, and a sell-out. Of course she was always polite, but when I heard her say she was deeply lonely, I was astonished.

The question I wanted to dismiss, stared at me. Like a child, repeatedly told to go to bed, it stalled, waiting. I rolled on my side, turning my face away. I began reading Galatians.  But I confess, I found it hard to move past chapter one. There, in black and white was the mirror I could not shield my eyes from.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10, NIV).

The Creator, the one who organized every living being, blowing breath on dust, didn’t just invite me over for an afternoon of conversation & coffee.  He asked if He could move right into me. How could I look past His deep, steady love? Why fill the chasm with approval that can be bought?

Trust His love. May it be the rain that cascades over, coursing through veins, bringing life.

Heather Allen spends most of her time carrying for her hubby and 3 kids.  Check out her blog: http://www.thebloodknot.blogspot.com/

The Debt I Could Not Pay

By Heather Allen –

Last week my son Noah and I had a conflict of interests. I was interested in him obeying.  He was interested in playing and ignored what I asked him to do. After ten minutes of discussion and internal prayer, I sat him down. I looked into his bright teary eyes and told him the consequences of his continued disobedience: a week without any video games.

The week before this fairly normal event, I read through a few pages of parenting tips.  On occasion I have given a consequence and then released my child in order to show what mercy is. But one of the tips I read took that idea a step further, encouraging parents to take their children’s consequences from time to time. As much as I like Tetris, it is a rarity for me to play video games. But my, oh my how I love a hot bath after a long day.

I looked at his sad face and felt compassion. I said I would take his discipline. I would forego a pleasure bath for one week. Honestly, I am not sure what response I was hoping for, but  he smiled and said, “You mean I can play video games?”  I repeated what redemption is, and why we need it. I thought about pulling out a dry erase board for some illustrations. He looked so happy. Surely, he does not understand how much I like baths!

I did not expect my older children, lingering nearby, to offer to take the consequences by giving up what was important to them. One thought ran through my head as I asked them to join us at the table—I should have thought this through.  I felt we were standing on the brink of great spiritual understanding and I was not sure which direction to go.

If I were having this conversation with God, what would he emphasize? I spent moments throughout the day thinking about this.

I talked to my husband about it as I climbed into bed and kept talking as he snored. Do I remind Noah that his sin costs more than a bath and an apology? Does God remind me of my sin to reveal his salvation?

Romans 7:7 says we know what sin is because of the law. The Ten Commandments are the law. If we break one of these, we have broken them all. Saying sorry does not cover it.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement through faith in his blood” (Romans 3:23-25, NIV).

Sometimes I will be able to carry my children’s consequences but I cannot atone for their sin. Correction can be used to show children their need for a Savior, even if it takes awhile for them to understand. In our case, it meant showing Noah that God’s word says children are to obey their parents. When he chooses not to, he not only disobeys me, he disobeys God.

When he understands he has sinned against God, my son can also understand there is a consequence. The consequence of his sin is death. The only one who can cover this debt is Christ. And He already has.

God exposes sin, to reveal his love. Christ died to pay a debt I could not. Salvation is miraculous and beautiful only to those who know how badly they need it. The law exposes sin and grace covers it, remembering it no more.

“Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him” (Romans 4:7-8, NIV).

Heather Allen spends most of her time caring for her hubby and three kids.  Check out her blog at http://www.thebloodknot.blogspot.com.

Longing for a Better Country – A Heavenly One

By Heather Allen –

“Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you” (Revelation 3:2-3, NIV). Read more

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