The Hand that Nailed Itself

By Heather Allen –

Yesterday my little boy swung his feet in rhythm with mine, as we dipped our toes in the cool lake water. He said “Mom you don’t talk as much as dad.” “Really?” I smiled.  “Well, did you want to talk about something?” I asked.  He looked out over the green blue water and then up at my face. “I just want to talk about how good God is mom.” He then listed how God has been good to him. And then in typical little boy mode, darted off.

But he left me smiling with my face lifted to the sky “God, You have been so good.”

The hand that nailed itself to the cross is the same hand that holds my life.  And the same love that sacrificed itself says I made a way for you. I am good and kind. I love you.  I am the way, the truth, the life, the only way to the Father (John 14:6). The only way to be reconciled is Christ Jesus. And contrary to popular lies, the Lord God and Allah are not one and the same.  The culture that worshiped Allah was pantheistic first. And then gradually their other gods were diminished leaving Allah the moon god and his partner the sun goddess. In time she also was diminished.

God sent his son to Earth to make it really clear that He alone is God. And He alone is able to save.

Apart from Christ, self-destruction is what humanity will tend toward every time. I know this is true like I know I need air to breathe.  God’s word is clear.  It is not because of the works we have done, but according to His mercy that we are saved (Titus 3:5).

I have been in a night season for so long I have forgotten what it feels like to be able to see the horizon. But when you walk in the dark you learn to trust. You see faith become something you do not just talk about, but rest in.

Isaiah 50:10 (KJV) says, “Who is among you that feareth the LORD, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? Let him trust in the name of the LORD, and stay upon his God.”

“And stay” in this verse means lean upon, support oneself on. And I love that because the uncertainty in my life has taught me to place my hope on what is certain. The process has been painful and slow, but He is the one I want to be my foundation. And so I find myself immensely grateful for this season because He is building a faith that holds.

God chose to make us. And when we rebelled and sinned, He chose to save us.  He is so good.  And like my darling little boy, I just want to talk about it.

Set Apart

By Heather Allen-

My Bible stretches across my femur and knee. The sun streams onto its pages, eyes closed and opening at the whistle of an oriole, I think about the words. The rays lighting my face are laced with confession and sorrow.

I could label myself a doomer, or possibly one set on a wall as a watchman. I am not sure it matters. I just know the urgency has not died down. I am grateful for time, restive before my maker. I hold my hand out, take His and we walk for a bit. We trace the places I have gone and the words spoken. I look at Him quizzically. What is at the root of my behavior? My head would hang if He were not grace.

Like the hemorrhaging woman who grabbed Jesus’ robe, I know He is the only way to be healed. Amazing that He dwells within. And as I am honest about my internal corruption, He heals me too.

My little guy is pretty witty, and tonight he made a particularly clever observation. He said, “Mom, the Bible says you should not drink blood and it is really rude that mosquitoes do not obey.” After my amusement died down an unpleasant reality hit, nearly every other tween to teen book at Barnes and Nobles is about vampires. Interspersed are books about fallen angels.  Do our kids know what God’s word says about these things? Do they know that Leviticus address drinking blood, or that vampires have always been entwined with demonic practices? Fallen angels are the ones who rebelled against God, and their future is hell. Can we view the occult and sin as entertainment and remain unaffected?

This is a conversation I am having, mulling over what should be apparent and different. It has been humbling. And I fear God so it has also been a bit scary. But I wonder why I cannot fill my car without the gas station playing songs that detail infidelity.  Scripture tells us to flee sexual impurity. But the songs are there, even when I grocery shop. I think we are being lulled.

There are many writers and preachers whose words litter my journal. But the unfortunate truth is I don’t get to stand before Jesus with them in tow and point stammering, “I just listened to them. No, I do not really know You, but hey I can tell You a lot of cleverly worded ideas about the Bible and what they meant to my favorite writer”.  I do not think we have the luxury of questioning everything in scripture, including hell, while accepting everything in our culture. I also do not think we have the luxury of being ignorant about what God’s word says. We may be very culturally relevant but are we holy?

There is nothing in this life that even touches the moments I have spent in God’s presence, soaking in His word. If you cannot relate to that, know this, He desires more for you. Being set apart may be lonely. You may be the only one you know who lives differently. But beloved, every step you take in denying yourself and following after Him will be well worth it.  Better to lose your life for His sake than to gain the world and lose your soul.

First Love

By Heather Allen-

I remember holding my Bible at about age ten planning to read through the entire New Testament.  But I was stuck on Matthew chapter one.  The birds were chirping, and the sun beaming, as sounds of other children playing wafted through my window.  I heard the occasional speedboat and tried to focus on the pages in front of me. It was Sunday naptime, so my options were read my Bible or take a nap.  Now I read through genealogies with keen interest because I have learned that even what appears to be only factual in nature actually contains scriptural gems. For example the genealogy found at the beginning of Matthew is beautiful. There are women of all backgrounds and reputations related to Jesus, even prostitutes. But back then I was pretty absorbed with the fact that I was probably the only kid stuck in a stuffy room rather than outside swimming.

What really stands out to me about that memory is what I prayed that day. I grew up going to church so it was common for me to hear things like, “Pray and wait for the Lord to show you,” or “What do you feel is the Lord’s will?” Everybody talked about the Lord’s will back then, they were two of the spiritual buzzwords at church.

And I wondered how these and so many other questions were answered. How was I to hear from the Lord? So I prayed and told Him I really wanted to know the answers to some very important questions I had. And I wanted to know if He might help me understand the Bible to.

And time went on and I figured that since I had not really heard anything very clearly I would just kind of do my own thing. I was a Christian so I sort of guessed that my thing must automatically be His thing.

One very beautiful thing occurred in my life at about the same time. I began memorizing scripture. I did this to earn badges for my Awana vest and for the candy bars my teacher would give out. But I knew, even then, that I wanted to remember as many verses as I could.

Today I am thankful for all the memorization because those words learned many years ago, are still used by the Holy Spirit to correct me.  I will be going about my day, irritated with someone and 1 John 4:7 will come to mind, “Beloved, let us love one another” (KJV).

It is a bit uncomfortable for a few minutes while I swallow down my pride. But then another reinforcing Scripture flows,”Love is patient, love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV).

Along this hilly journey I have learned to hear my Shepherd’s voice. When my children have the same complaints, “I asked God, but I have not heard,” I encourage them to fill their time reading Scripture. To make it their hobby to know God’s Word. I gather them close re-telling how His Word has sustained me during some dark times. I too have a journal filled with questions I would love Him to answer. But more important than having every why solved, is learning to ask, wait and enjoy those moments. He is amazing enough to spend your whole life pursuing. The pursuit of God is a worthy one. One, I tell my kids, will never be in vain.

Weakling

By Heather Allen –

When I was younger, my days were spent racing alongside the boys that littered the neighborhood. Somehow I managed to withstand their boyhood shenanigans. Every summer day was spent streaking through imaginary borders in an attempt to capture a flag. And when that game grew weary we simply ran off the backyard dock, leaping high as we cannon balled into the lake. I felt invincible.

But then adulthood set in. I found my belief that adults are always right shattered along with my presuppositions that life is logical. And I learned that being older does not necessarily mean being wiser.

Today I listened to a sermon download that ended with this verse “If God be for us, who can be against us?”(Roman 8:31 NIV). The pastor described that what is being conveyed here is that Christ took our place, and no can undo that cleansing forgiveness. A year ago I painted this verse and placed it on my fridge, liking the thought that God was cheering me on, an “I am for you” kind of chant ringing around me. I did not see the depth of what was right in front of me. So much bigger than having someone on my side, I had someone think I was worth buying back. And that someone just happens to be the Creator of the universe.

I am not aging as gracefully as I had hoped. The wrinkles are spreading and signs that I am decaying crop up at almost every dentist appointment. Yes, I do floss. But I am increasingly aware of my frailty physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Growing older has only taught me that I know less than I thought. And reading Scripture has convinced me that I am utterly lost on my own, incapable of anything good or right or true.

Sometimes I lay awake trying to understand why God created us, knowing what we would do, and what it would cost to redeem us. Perhaps the moments where I stand at the edge of my children’s beds, visually tracing every facial detail I love, while they sleep, is the closest I can come to understanding this. I know I would give my life for them, and I would do it without being asked. And yet even with that expression of great love, laying down my life, I would not be able to change their eternity. But praise God because He could and He did.

He is the way the truth and the life. No man comes to the Father but through Him.

False religion is everywhere, even in the church body. And some of the falsehoods are easy to swallow because they are partially true and told by people we believe. I am weak and often unwise and being told that the gospel requires more from me is something that can motivate this perfectionist. But the simple, beautiful truth is my part is trust. And even that is a gift from Him. I have sinned and deserve hell. Christ paid for my redemption. He is both the author and perfector of my faith. I may be weak, but it’s okay because He is strong.

Pure

By Heather Allen –

On this sanctification journey there are moments where I reflect on where I have been.  Sometimes I travel pretty far back, to the spot where it began: on my knees, next to my bed, at the age of six. Even as a little one I felt an internal conflict when I was asked to do something I did not want to do.  At times I disobeyed, and other times I lied. I fought with my brothers when they provoked me. For the most part I was a happy kid in a happy home.

And my world grew as I grew, and I found myself struggling with other types of sin.  The root was pretty much the same, selfishness and conceit. I think I loved God since I was a wee tot, but verbalizing that Jesus is Lord and that God raised Him from the dead gave life to my heart.

A few nights ago I was reading the news headlines, our world has been set on fire.  Sexual sin is everywhere. Theft, dishonesty, and dishonorable behavior are the new norm.  At one point I closed my computer and laid flat on my face.  This is an age of deception and I am fighting to keep from being deceived.  I feel the weight of contending with sin every single day. And it is tiresome.  But then I think about all of the changes in me.  There are thousands of small, daily victories where I have not given into my wants and feelings.  And learning to deny myself has led to character change.

A friend of mine said, “We will not be pure on accident, it will be something we fight hard for.”  I think she is right.  The point of purity is not so I can look shiny and clean and it isn’t just a nice thing to say because I am a Christ follower.  It is a down and dirty all out battle against my flesh.  It shows up everywhere, even in the grocery checkout where I am assaulted by magazine cover stories featuring infidelity, selfishness, and greed.  All presented in such a photo-shopped way, that the average girl cannot help but wonder what went wrong in her genetic pool.  It is a mind game. And as a whole, one I do not see being won.

So, how do I raise my kids in this culture?  How do I raise two Daniels and one Deborah?  My solution is not youth group, or Sunday school classes.  It is not counseling or involving them in good activities. This is battle. And being involved in good things is not the same as being armed.

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:9-11 NIV).

At some point, they will, like all of us, have to choose. They will decide. But while my babies are still home, I will teach them to hide the word in their hearts. I write this knowing that hiding His word in my heart will provide the only map that keeps me from stumbling head long into the apostasy minefield that Jude spoke of. The truth is I need to be cleaned and changed and the only source I know is the Word.  It is, after all, what endures.

“The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever” (Isaiah 40:8 NIV).

Heather Allen spends most of her time caring for her hubby and 3 kids.  Check out her blog: http://www.theknottedapron.blogspot.com/

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