Hair Peace

By Rhonda Rhea –

Have you ever gone to a lot of trouble to get the perfect hair look? You gel, tease, mousse, iron, spray—everything just short of taking it to the kiln at the ceramic shop for a good firing. You finally get the exact hair look you’re going for, then you take your hand mirror and back up to the bathroom mirror only to find a frightening hair disturbance in your blind spot. Some call it a hurricane; it’s a giant swirly with a large eye. As a mother of five, I’ve often let my kids wonder if I had eyes in the back of my head, but I honestly never wanted any evidence.

The other day I found a major meteorological occurrence in the hand mirror. It started in the northernmost hair regions and moved slowly but steadily to the south, wreaking hair destruction and devastation all along the path of the storm. No doubt a category five. Maybe we would call that a “hair-icane.” Okay, maybe not. But how in the world can I keep my head when my hair is gusting at break-neck speed? Time to board it up and put the whole mess in a ponytail?

It happens in life, too. Everything is going fine. Clear with only scattered challenges. Then suddenly a storm sneaks up on you from behind. It’s one of those high pressure systems that develops without much warning. Before you know it, blast the storm sirens, you’re in the middle of a giant swirly.

Those kinds of disturbances happen to everyone at some time or another. Thankfully, we have a Savior who gives us peace in the midst of the storm. As we trust Him, He can speak the words “Peace, be still” into every life and into every situation. It may not necessarily evade the hair instabilities, and it won’t necessarily make the storms go away, but it can certainly help us weather out the struggle. Every struggle. His peace is all we need to make it through.

So don’t be surprised when a swirly struggle hits. No need to have blind spots, spiritually speaking. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (NIV). You can keep your head if your mind is fixed on Jesus and your heart is fully relying on and trusting in Him.

Let His peace rule and your day will feel so much sunnier. In every atmospheric condition.

And in every shampoo and condition too.

Rhonda Rhea is a radio personality, conference speaker, humor columnist and author of seven books, including High Heels in High Places and her newest book, Whatsoever Things Are Lovely: Must-Have Accessories for God’s Perfect Peace. You can find out more at www.RhondaRhea.org.

Die Laughing Anyone?

By Kathi Macias –

Seriously. This is no laughing matter! Well, okay, maybe it is—but only because I chose to make it so. I could just as easily have chosen to cry and whine and…wait, come to think of it, that’s exactly what I was doing before I decided to laugh. Let me explain.

It started when my husband went out of town for ten days. (Figures!) The TV in our room went out, but I figured, so what? There’s one in the family room, and who needs a TV anyway? Apparently my mom does because hers went out the next day, and she was not a happy camper. It was one thing to ignore my non-working set, but quite another to ignore hers—particularly when I was about to leave for Philadelphia to teach at a writers’ conference for several days.

I did some scrambling and found a wonderful old gentleman in the senior park where we live (“old” as in older than the rest of us who live in the park!) who graciously offered to replace Mom’s TV with an extra set from the clubhouse until we could get her a new one. I must admit I was a bit concerned when he was wrestling one set off her TV stand and lifting the other one up onto it, but he made it. What a relief! At least the main fire was put out, and the rest could smolder until I returned from the conference.

Or so I thought. The very next day Mom and I were waiting in our car in the drive-through lane at a fast-food restaurant when my foot slipped off the brake (don’t even ask why I didn’t have the car in park!) and I rolled (very slowly, I might add!) into the car in front of me. The bump was scarcely noticeable, and I was certain there was no damage. The driver of the other car didn’t agree. Admittedly, if I’d had a magnifying glass, I might have been able to see the quarter-inch dent he claimed was in his back bumper, but I didn’t have one so I had to take his word for it. He said his people would contact my people about the damage. Wonderful.

One more day until I flew off to Philly. What else could go wrong? I was about to find out.

I had to call a radio station to do an interview that final morning before leaving, and as I always do before calling in, I turned off call-waiting—nothing more annoying that beeping noises when you’re on the radio! The interview went off without a hitch. Then I noticed something odd. Each time my phone rang, it cut off midway through the first ring and didn’t ring again. After it happened several times, I called the phone company and told them something was wrong and they needed to send out a technician right away. Of course, they couldn’t do that until the next day. Great. Now no one could call in, though I was able to call out.

Midway through the afternoon my cell phone rang, and it was a friend of mine from Nashville. “I’ve been trying to call you all day,” he said, “but I keep getting some radio station in Texas.”

Uh oh. I was beginning to suspect a connection between the phone problem and my morning radio interview. I called the station and discovered they’d been getting calls for me all day. They suggested the possibility that instead of punching *70 to turn off call-waiting before my interview I might have pushed *72, which then forwards all my incoming calls to the station.

Sure enough, that was it! I turned off call-forwarding and called the phone company to cancel the technician and to apologize for my error. The customer service rep laughed and said, “I understand completely. I have days like that all the time. We might as well laugh about it, right?”

Right. I mean, seriously, she was right. But I had to grab myself by the nape of the neck and shake the whining and complaining right out of me before I could get that smile to work. It wasn’t long, though, before I found myself right in the middle of the truth of Proverbs 17:22: “A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.”

We can choose a merry heart—or dry bones. It took me awhile to get there, but I opted for the merry heart, and the rest of the day went much better. (You don’t even want to know about my trip to Philly and how my five-hour flight turned into an 18-hour nightmare! But I was still laughing when I finally landed at two in the morning…!)

Kathi Macias (www.kathimacias.com; http://kathieasywritermacias.blogspot.com) is an occasional radio host (www.blogspotradio.com/communicatethevision) and an award-winning author of more than 30 books. She and her husband, Al, live in Homeland, CA, where they spend their spare time riding Al’s Harley—hence, Kathi’s road name of “Easy Writer.”

A Box of Chocolate & A Bubble Bath

By Jodi Whisenhunt –

This fall, my oldest child, Kyle, started tenth grade. As a homeschooler, I’m a bit anxious about it. Ok, I’m a lot anxious about it! “Everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way,” according to 1 Corinthians 14:40 (NIV). Paul’s referring to regulations for speaking in tongues. (By the look on my kids’ faces, sometimes they think I’m doing just that!) However, it’s also good advice for teaching. Problem is, I struggle to do anything in a fitting and orderly way. Recently, I carried a basket of clean laundry down the hall where I found something that belonged in my bedroom. I set the basket down and carried the item to my room where, after catching my reflection in the mirror, I stopped to brush my hair. My daughter came in, so I brushed her hair too. She was still in jammies, so I led her back to her room to change. Only when I took her dirty clothes to the laundry did I remember my original task.

I admit I’ve been a bit lax with our homeschool structure in recent years. Lax is an understatement. Let me try unorganized, panicked, disappointed, unstructured, befuddled. Like the laundry incident, distractions during class time often divert our attention. Some have become bad habits, like how, being the teenage boy that he is, Kyle must eat every ten minutes.

My daughter, Chloe, started first grade this year. Sure, I’ve been there, done that, but she has a totally different personality and a completely different learning style than her older brother. She wants to do her schoolwork at 9:00 at night when she’s avoiding bedtime, but still, if the child wants to learn, how can I turn her down?

Adam’s four. His education is not a major issue yet. He’s quite satisfied with number charts and picture books and children’s videos. As I said, though, he is four. He still longs to spend a lot of time on my lap with my eyes and ears tuned toward him. That can make teaching the other two difficult.

So how do I go about accomplishing school in a “fitting and orderly way”? Simple. With a box of chocolate and a bubble bath! I convince my husband to spend some quality time with the kids, or at least keep them from unlocking the door, and I barricade myself in my room. The running water is soothing (and drowns out the squeals and whines on the other side of the door) and allows me to commune with my Father. As I relax, I seek a higher education. I invite Him to “number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12 NIV), and I ask the Lord to arrange our daily schedules and to order our lesson plans. I also pray His hedge of thorns to surround us and prevent the enemy’s distraction.

I’ve also implemented some changes, including removing Kyle from the kitchen. He may take a snack to his room to do assignments, but he cannot come out until the work is done. I don’t think he’ll starve. I allow Chloe flex time. It just can’t delay bedtime. And with cool teaching aids, like a hand-shaped pointer and a fast facts dial, sweet little Adam can direct. I’ve also discovered that dry-erase markers work very well on the glossy ceramic tiles surrounding my kitchen desk. Fun for all!

Now if you’ll excuse me, my bath is ready and a box of chocolate awaits!

Jodi Whisenhunt is a 2009 Amy Writing Award recipient. She and her husband, Richard, homeschool their three children in McKinney, Texas. You can find her at www.jodiwhisenhunt.com and www.magicalmouseschoolhouse.com, where Disney IS school.

Wedgie Tales

By Rhonda Rhea –

My 17 year old is the youngest of five kids. That means that he’s suffered a lot of wedgies through the years. But hey, I figure that’ll give him stories he can tell his kids. Some parents tell their children of the hardships of walking to and from school in the 12-foot snow—uphill both ways. My Daniel? He’ll be able to tell his children that he spent several years suffering through underwear with no waistbands. My friend Janet said he could call his life story, “Wedgie Tales.”

It’s a good reminder that tough situations, like waistbands, will come and go. The real question is, how will we respond? And will we allow those difficulties to defeat us or will we allow them to strengthen us? Will we rest in our Heavenly Father’s presence, seeing life from his eternal perspective? Or will we try to squirm out of those difficulties and make it through them on our own, pouting, whining, sputtering and blaming all along the way?

Stories of grace under pressure are so much more fun to pass on to our children. Those stories will even answer a lot of their questions about life and how we should live it. It will even set a pattern for them to follow. Now there’s a legacy.

In the Amplified version of 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 we read, “Therefore we do not become discouraged, utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear. Though the outer man is progressively decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being progressively renewed day after day. For our light, momentary affliction, this slight distress of the passing hour, is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory, beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!”

Waistbands? Here today, wedgied away tomorrow. But we’re to be focused on the things that are eternal—the unseen blessedness that never ceases. Verse 18 says, “Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal, brief and fleeting, but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting” (2 Corinthians 4:18, AMP).

I’m fighting the urge to mention the fact that it says that the visible things are “brief.” Yeah, I’m totally leaving that one alone. But those invisible things? According to this passage, they’re everlasting! Maybe not ever-elastic. But everlasting and completely deathless, for sure. And ultimately, in our own personal “everlasting,” every question in this life, every why we’ve ever asked, will be answered in the most satisfying, resounding eternal-amen of an answer.

Pondering our everlasting, deathless future gives us an entirely different perspective on the momentary suffering. Even though here in the present there will still be questions left temporarily hanging. Incidentally, among those unanswered questions, there’s still this one:  Would you call a person with no waistbands left a “Wedge-etarian”?

Rhonda Rhea is a radio personality, conference speaker, humor columnist and author of seven books, including High Heels in High Places and her newest book, Whatsoever Things Are Lovely: Must-Have Accessories for God’s Perfect Peace. You can find out more at www.RhondaRhea.org.

This Column Brought to You by…

By Darren Marlar –

I’ve decided that starting immediately my monthly humor column will be sponsored by the highest bidder.  And why not? Everything else in the world is sponsored to the hilt. Take a look around and you’ll find just about every area of NASCAR with some corporate entity’s logo.

And is it my imagination, or do the Olympics seem to have an “official” sponsor for every product and service on the face of the earth? “The Official Orange Juice” or “The Official Vitamin” of the U.S. Olympic Teams would actually make sense. But what’s with “The Official Soft Drink of the U.S. Olympic Teams”? Do we really need the most finely tuned athletes on the planet endorsing a consumable with no nutritional value whatsoever? Are we soon going to see “The Official Tattoo Parlor of the U.S. Gymnastics Team” and “The Official Body Piercing Supplier of the NFL?”

Now I hear that the high cost of players’ salaries is causing major league baseball to come up with some creative ways to come up with cash – including placing advertising on not just all of the walls and displays, but now on the equipment as well. Yep… bats, balls, helmets, all going to the highest bidder.

So, in an effort to help the ideas flow for baseball ownership, I’m making a few of my own suggestions of sponsor placements.

The Presbyterian Church can sponsor the umpires’ chest protectors, with the slogan, “Thou Shalt Not Steal.”

The Catcher’s Mask could easily act as an educational tool by local law enforcement. “Write a bad check, and you, too, could be looking through bars.”

Because of the obviously prime placement, the pitcher’s mound would likely have a wealthy sponsor – perhaps Applebee’s advertising their drinks with, “Our pitchers are even bigger!”

First, Second, and Third Base each sponsored by Chickletts because, well, c’mon, that’s what they look like from the upper deck.

And finally (and I’m sure this has already been finalized), home plate will be sponsored by, of course, American Express. After all, you “don’t leave home without it.”

Darren Marlar is a stand-up comedian specializing in clean comedy.  He welcomes your comments through his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.

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