10 Common Mistakes in Relationships

By Julie Morris –

Are you having problems in a relationship but can’t put your finger on what’s wrong? See which of these mistakes you’re making:

1. It’s His Fault—Joe is so busy playing the blame game with his boss that he doesn’t pay attention to things he’s doing to contribute to the problem. Do you ever play the blame game?

2. I’m Out Of Here—Mark doesn’t like his wife’s nagging so he works late every night, and tunes her out when he’s home. Do you withdraw either physically or emotionally from people rather than address the problem directly?

3. I’m An Exploding Volcano—Judy thinks it’s not very Christian to be angry so she stuffs her feelings toward her husband until she has more than she can hold. Then she explodes like a volcano and tells him all the horrible things she’s been thinking…and then some. Do you ever stuff your feelings until you explode?

4. I’m Her Holy Spirit—Dick feels that it’s his job to judge his wife, tell her when she’s wrong, and direct her every step. Do you try to take the Holy Spirit’s place?

5. If Only He’d Change—Brenda believes that she can never be happily married to her workaholic husband. She spends hours every day watching soap operas and reading romance novels to escape her emptiness. She is so stuck in her “if onlys” that she does nothing positive to deal with her problems. Do you live in the “if onlys”?

6. I’m Good Because I’m Submissive—Joann has a terrible fear of confrontation. She’ll do anything to keep from having an argument. She rationalizes her wimpiness to confront her husband’s ungodly behavior by calling it “submission.” Do you make excuses not to confront wrong behaviors?

7. He Deserves It—Mary’s boss is making her miserable. He piles more on her than she can do, complains constantly and never gives her a compliment. She gossips about him to anyone who will listen and does sloppy work to get even. Do you do unbecoming things and excuse them because of what others do to you?

8. If You Don’t Hear Me, I’ll Talk Louder—George has a real temper. If his 10-year-old son can’t understand when George explains his homework, he screams the instructions at him. Do you scream at someone, rather than trying to explain in a clearer way what you’re trying to say?

9. Here, Let Me Fix You—William only means to help his grown daughter with his constant stream of unasked-for advice, but he is alienating her instead. Do you feel compelled to give advice?

10. I’m Busy Doing God’s Work—Maryann teaches two Bible studies and is president of the women’s ministry at her Church. Her husband and children feel like they’re not as important to her as the things she’s doing. Do you treat your loved ones like your work is #1?

Look back over these mistakes and identify the ones you’re making. What are some things you can do to change? You’ll be amazed to see the blessings that come when you invest just a few minutes a day thinking about these things and praying for God to give you the willingness and ability to relate in a better way.

Adapted from Guided By Him…to a Thinner, Not So Stressed-Out You, by Julie Morris.

Julie Morris (julie@guidedbyhim.com) is the author of 12 books, a dynamic motivational speaker and founder of two Christian weight-loss programs: Step Forward (www.stepforwarddiet.com) and a lighter and easier version of Step Forward, Guided By Him (www.guidedbyhim.com).

A Fun Way to Get in Shape

By Courtney McArthur –

Tired of spending an hour on the treadmill just to burn a minimal amount of calories? Do you hate going to the gym? I’m happy to report that there is a solution!

Growing up, I tried about every sport there was in order to get in shape. I hated almost every one of them. I hated running because it hurt my back and I had asthma so it was hard to breathe. I hated being sweaty, which comes along with almost every other sport in the world. Finally, I found one that was perfect for me. It didn’t require running, being sweaty and it burned more calories than any other sport. I began swimming.

Swimming is a sport that can be practiced whether you are five or ninety-five. Swimming is a low-impact sport, which means it is easy on your joints, bones and muscles. Because of the low impact, swimming is commonly used as rehabilitation for people who are injured. Once you begin swimming daily, it builds strength, flexibility, endurance, heart health and lung capacity. It is also the only sport that uses every muscle in the body. If you are 150 pounds and you swim for an hour, you will burn approximately 900 calories. The heavier you are or the faster you swim, the more calories you will burn.

Not only is swimming beneficial to your physical health, but it is also good for your mental health. It is very relaxing and once you get into a daily routine of swimming, it will become almost a form of meditation. Something about being submerged in the water and focusing on nothing but swimming really calms one’s mind.

Another great thing about swimming is that there are many different ways to get involved. You can go to your local recreation center and swim laps on your own, form your own workout in the comfort of a private pool in your backyard, or you can join a swim team.

You are incredibly wrong if you are saying to yourself, “I’m too old to join a swim team,” or “I can’t do that because I’d be the oldest person on the team!” U.S. Masters swimming is a national organization that provides workouts and competitions for adults eighteen and over. It doesn’t matter if you are a beginner or you once were a competitive swimmer, Masters has a place for you.

I know firsthand about Masters, because my freshman year of college, I swam for the Auburn Masters program. The coach was helpful and understanding; I made some great friends, and I had such an enjoyable workout that I wanted to go every day of the week. I never had to stress myself out by making up my own workouts. The workouts were already made for me and all I had to do was show up. The great thing about joining a team is that it gives you a social outlet along with the mental and physical benefits of swimming.

So, next time you are dreading getting off the couch and going to the gym, try going to the pool for a refreshing swim instead. You will burn more calories, ease your worries, and maybe even meet a friend!

Courtney McArthur is a junior at Auburn University. She is a workout enthusiast and former competitive swimmer and is excited about helping people find workouts that are best for them.

Are You Too Busy to Squeeze Fitness Into Your Day?

By Laurette Willis –

Is it a challenge to squeeze fitness into your day? There are ways to incorporate health and fitness for spirit, soul and body into your day—and actually have more time and energy to do all you’re called to do.

Hectic schedules seldom leave time for two very important parts of a well-balanced life: our relationship with God and keeping our bodies strong and healthy. God wants us to put Him first. Yet before I made time with the Lord a daily priority, I wondered why I never seemed to have enough time. Without realizing it, the rest of my life was suffering because I didn’t have my priorities in the right order. But when I began investing time in my relationship with the Lord first, I found the peace and wisdom to handle whatever came my way the rest of the day.

Faith AND Fitness!

Why not combine the two—faith and fitness? The Lord delights to be a part of everything we do—even exercise! One woman I know respectfully calls Him her “Personal Trainer.” Suddenly physical activity is no longer drudgery but an extension of our worship time with Him. In His presence, the joy of the Lord lifts and strengthens us spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Here are 5 quick ideas to make the most out of a short amount of time:

1. Cut workouts in half and squeeze in a 10- or 20-minute session instead of your normal workout. These mini-workouts can still produce lasting results and keep you from putting off working out until tomorrow, the day after or next week. Make use of the time you DO have.

2. Get up a little earlier. Either ask the Lord to awaken you earlier, or set the alarm clock 30 minutes earlier to pray and get a workout in before your day starts.

3. Lunch break: Divide your lunch hour in half and devote 30 minutes to exercise before you eat. Curb your appetite and boost your metabolism at the same time!

4. Nap time: If you have children at home, squeeze in a 10- or 15-minute workout while they’re napping.

5. Commercial break: Instead of vegging out in front of the TV, use the three to five minutes during the commercials to get some exercise in. I keep my exercise mat and rebounder (mini-trampoline) in the living room so I can stretch or bounce-bounce-bounce through some of my favorite TV shows.

Better yet, speak aloud your Bible-based confessions for the day while working out, walking, running on the treadmill…you get the idea! Combine faith and fitness in every way you can.

Changing Your “Want To”

What is your “want to”? Make a decision to add at least 20 minutes of exercise into your day (30-60 minutes is even better!). Commit your decision to the Lord and ask Him to help you. I guarantee, you’ll quit saying that you are too busy. Instead, you’ll suddenly find you are able to have a few minutes here and there that you can devote to becoming a “Fit Witness for Christ!”

Christian Fitness Expert Laurette Willis is the Director of PraiseMoves Fitness Ministry (http://praisemoves.com). Hear the latest in faith and fitness at http://ChristianFitnessTeleseminar.com. Get her free “21-Day Christian Fitness Program” and “Fit Favorites Devotional” http://praisemoves.com.

The Stress Effect and Your Health

By Don Otis –

I was having dinner recently with a friend who works for our local power plant. He told me that half of his employees are on anti-depressants. Pharmaceuticals have become a way of like for many, if not most Americans.

When I went in for a treadmill test last year, a nurse asked me to fill out a form explaining which medications I was on. After I turned it in, she said, “Excuse me, I think you missed a section.” I didn’t miss the section; I just didn’t have anything to put in there. I asked her if this was unusual. She said, “Everybody is on something these days.”

Stress is a killer. Stress will tear you down physically, emotionally and spiritually. According to a new book, The Healing Code, stress is directly linked to 95 percent of all illnesses. Stress is linked to cancer, emotional disorders and even heart disease. The long terms effects of stress are enormous. As Christ-followers, we may believe that we should be impervious to stress. I disagree. As humans, we live in a fallen and broken world where stress predominates. The question isn’t whether we will have stress; it is how we deal with the stress.

If stress is prolonged, it weakens our immune systems. When our immune systems are unable to perform as God designed them, our physical defenses are unable to ward off sickness, disease and viruses.

Many of us live in a continual state of fight or flight, grabbing breakfast on the run, driving to work in stressful traffic, working through our lunch breaks, running kids to school or sports, committee meetings, small groups–you name it. We live hurried and harried lives. This lifestyle takes a toll on us. It saps us of our energy, keeps us from sleeping soundly and can even put pressure on our relationships.

Over time, this stress leaves us vulnerable to disease. But what can we do?

First, as followers of Christ, we lean into Him and on Him. He says, “Come unto Me all, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 NIV). He knows we worry and stress over life and He gives us hope in Himself.

The second thing you can do is to become active. I remember years ago when my father was in such depression that he was curled in a fetal position inside a room in my house for days. The room was dark. He refused to eat or to get up. One day I finally said, “Dad, I’m going to the running track and you’re going with me!” He did. I ran and he walked. It was the turning point for him. All of us feel overwhelmed at times. We just want to run away or medicate ourselves into numbness. Don’t.

When we exercise, we combat the stress in our lives, build our immune systems, and send oxygen-rich blood to our brains and extremities. The stress-effect will destroy us while the exercise-effect will help cleanse the impurities from our bodies. The more we elevate our heart rates through aerobic exercise (walking, biking, swimming, running, hiking), the more we build our heart and lung muscles. We also send the cleansing stream of blood pulsating through our bodies, which helps clean out our delivery systems.

Life is tough. Stress is toxic. God has given us avenues to overcome.

Don S. Otis (don@veritasincorporated.com) is an ACE Certified personal trainer, the author of Keeping Fit after 40 and Whisker Rubs: Developing the Masculine Identity. He is the president of Veritas Communications, a Christian publicity agency based in Canon City, Colorado.

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