Write This Down

By Rhonda Rhea –

What do you do when you have a pen that won’t write? If you’re like most of us, you sling it a few times in that stabbing motion, hoping gravity is going to somehow jar the ink loose (I wonder if that’s ever really worked for anyone). Then you scribble. Then you scribble bigger and faster. Then frustration builds and you scribble harder. Then harder. You scribble until you tear a hole in the paper. Then you throw the pen. Then you look around to see if anyone saw you throw the pen. Then while you’re feeling silly about throwing the pen, you pick it up and pretend it just slipped out of your hand (yeah, sure—it slipped out of your hand and spontaneously flew across the room). Then you shrug and smile and put the pen in your pocket.

Then later you get home to find the pen leaked and left a giant splotch of blue on the front of your favorite shirt. Why can’t a pen simply consistently do its job without frustrating the tar out of us and making a big, fat mess?

I wonder if God ever asks that question about me. I think I’m a bit of a pen hypocrite. I’ll judge the pen for not consistently delivering and for making messes, but if I get honest, I’ll admit there are entirely too many times when I’m not consistent in the things the Lord has shown me. And even though I’m not where I know I should be or I’m not doing the things He’s already shown me to do, I’m fussing and scribbling because life isn’t unfolding the way I planned. What a mess. A mess that I’ve made with my own hand. And the ink ends up everywhere except where it was intended.

Life is much less messy when we stay consistent in His word and consistent in those things He’s called us to do. I know, no big revelation there. But sometimes it’s the simplest things that give us the most trouble. And it’s neglecting those simple disciplines that can leave us frustrated at the end of the day—big ink stain and no eternal fruit. Second Timothy 3:16-17 (NLT) says, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.”

So here are today’s lessons to live by. Lesson number one:  Obey God. Number two is related:  Stay consistent in doing the things He tells us to do in His word and allow Him to give life meaning and make it fruitful.

Oh, and lesson number three:  A cheap pen is, what, less than fifty cents? When it won’t write, for heaven’s sake, just toss the thing and get a new one.

Would You Smell This?

By Rhonda Rhea –

Tell me you’re not one of those people who says to another family member, “Hey, would you smell this?” Unless we’re talking fresh flowers, new cologne or hot-out-of-the-oven bread, that’s rarely a question that causes a family member think, “Oh boy, this is going to be great!”

Why is it that there are those who see chunks in the milk or come across questionable socks in between the clean and dirty pile of laundry, and (emphasis on this next part) being unwilling to sniff any of it themselves, sort of pawn the smell off on someone else? I don’t want to smell this. It might be disgusting. Here, you do it.

Isn’t the sense of smell the only one of the five senses that we regularly use as a weapon? It’s a little like chemical warfare, isn’t it? There should be a standing universal rule of etiquette, approved by the Geneva Convention, that says you should never ask anyone to smell something you’re not willing to smell yourself. Sort of a “smell unto others as you would have them smell unto you” rule. I don’t think we could call it a golden rule, but maybe at least aluminum.

On the spiritual side, anytime we encourage people to live a life of righteousness for Christ when we’re not living it ourselves, we’re definitely sniffing up the wrong tree, as it were. We need to make it our own personal universal rule to follow Jesus out of love for Him. It’s the right thing to do. And as a bonus, it’s a testimony that prompts those around us in right living. Psalm 106:2 asks the question, “Who can proclaim the mighty acts of the Lord or fully declare his praise?” (NIV). Then the psalmist answers the question in the next verse:  “Blessed are they who maintain justice, who constantly do what is right.”

Not to be too nosy here, but have you asked yourself recently if you’re making a positive difference in this world by the way you’re living? Are you maintaining justice? Constantly doing what is right? Is your testimony of righteousness influencing and inspiring those around you to live well too?

Making a personal rule of consistently doing what is right out of love for Christ is always the best idea. It’s ever so much more important than living life according to the aluminum rule—or any other precious metal rule we can come up with. A personal rule of obedience is one that helps spread the charge to right living beyond ourselves as we proclaim his mighty acts and fully declare his praise, just as the psalmist inspires. And that’s like a sweet smelling offering to the Lord. Isn’t that a blessing of the sweetest spiritual olfactory kind?

Of course back on the physical olfactory side, I’m thinking it’s also a good idea to make it a personal rule that if you see chunks in the milk, don’t even bother sniffing. Just have some coffee.

It’ll Curl Your Hair

By Rhonda Rhea –

We’ve never been one of those families that sits around a campfire telling scary stories. Too creepy. Every once in a while, though, I have to admit I liked to frighten my teenage girls with one of the scariest stories I know. And it happened to me. It’s the story about when I was a little girl. And my mom….gave me (insert a maniacal “mwah-ah-ah” here)…a home perm. Cue scary dissonant organ chord.

I describe in gory detail how I had to spend several weeks looking like a dandelion, the other cruel children making wishes and blowing on my head. Frightening. Nothing can raise up a fresh batch of goose bumps like a story of evil Frankenstein-ish chemicals and a perm gone bad. What could be scarier than that first look in the mirror? You’re pretty sure you’re so frightened you’re hair is standing on end, but who could tell? And the smell? It would singe the hair right out of your nose. After hearing my dandelion story, I honestly think my girls would buy a home lobotomy kit before they would buy a home perm kit.

Didn’t I hear this comment about that bottle of perm solution?  “I’d rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me.” Yeah, that had to be perm related.

How many people do you know who seem to have found a lobotomy blue light special? So many seem to make every life decision pointedly and purposefully completely opposite what the Lord spells out for us to do in His Word. It’s like mocking His instruction! Now there’s a reason to fear. Proverbs 9:9-12 says, “Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer” (NIV).

Making life choices contrary to the Father’s instruction brings suffering. But choosing to live a life of obedience results in wisdom, blessing and reward. That life of obedience starts with the good kind of fear. Not the hair-curling kind of fear, but a humble, awed reverence for the holy, holy, holy God.

Knowing, fearing and following Him might not guarantee every day is a good hair day, but wisdom really does lead to more wisdom. It’s blessing becoming more blessing. The blessings lead right into our ultimate blessing when we’ll see Jesus face to face. There will be no more evil, no more pain, and no more tears. It’s an eternal life full of love and laughter. And none of our heavenly laughter will be that maniacal kind.

That’s a thought that almost always leaves me goose-bumpy. The good kind of goose bumps. Not the chemically inspired kind.

©2011 Rhonda Rhea

The Perfect Centerpiece

By Rhonda Rhea –

There’s hardly anything I enjoy more than a good meal. That’s probably why I don’t cook much.

I guess that’s also why I love, love, love whoever it was who invented the marvelous, miraculous…frozen dinner. What a genius! I owe this person. Everyone talks about those fancy ice sculptures. But me? A frozen family-sized lasagna is a thing of beauty to me. There’s a centerpiece you can sink your teeth into!

Those frozen masterpieces not only rescue those of us who are oven-challenged, but they’re also great for helping with that “what to have for dinner” decision. Anytime I’ve stared blankly into the pantry for more than a few minutes and still can’t decide, I head straight for the freezer. I open that magic door and find, oh glorious day, someone has already decided! Other times when I’m having a bad grocery day and there aren’t enough ingredients in there to put together anything besides a pickle-loaf/noodle/Dorito casserole, I check that freezer—and dinner is done! Some days I just plain don’t want to spend an hour in the kitchen. No problem. In the freezer, dinner is already done! If they made it any easier they would be digesting it for me.

I’m embarrassed to admit how much I depend on my freezer for dinner (though, for the record, I do try to make sure I do all my own digesting). And working in exquisite harmony with my freezer, I can’t forget my microwave. My beautiful, beautiful microwave. We’ve never needed a dinner bell. The beep of the microwave signals everyone that dinner is ready. That beep has become music to my ears.

Seriously, even sweeter music to my ears? The sweet, sweet song of salvation! Our redemption is all about and all through Jesus. When He paid our sin debt on the cross, it was finished. In Jesus, it’s already done!

Just take a look at how the Amplified Bible expresses Hebrews 7:25:  “Therefore He is able also to save to the uttermost (completely, perfectly, finally, and for all time and eternity) those who come to God through Him, since He is always living to make petition to God and intercede with Him and intervene for them.” We might even think of it as a “centerpiece” kind of life, bringing His perfect “peace” to our very “center.”

Jesus saves to the uttermost. Completely and perfectly. Finally and eternally. Sound the beautiful beep, it’s done! He had already decided before the foundation of the world to redeem His children back to himself. And what He decides to do, He does. We don’t have to stew over our redemption. We only have to accept it and live it out.

But speaking of stew, I just heard the microwave sound the dinner bell. It’s playing my song. Though just in case you think I never fix anything at all that’s not frozen, you should know I also make a mean Italian sauce. Never frozen. … It’s from a jar.

Persona Non Au Gratin

By Rhonda Rhea –

Do you know how glorious it is to speak at an event that’s directed by a thoughtful and gracious event coordinator? Those are the trips that are somewhere near heaven. Ah, to be chauffeured about, fed the best meals from the finest restaurants, then transported to a posh hotel, only to find a gorgeous gift basket already delivered to the room. Bubble bath waiting. Bed turned down. Mint on the pillow. It’s good to be queen.

Okay, no one knows as well as I do that I don’t deserve to be treated like a queen. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it, does it?

You know when I truly realize I’ve been unduly treated like royalty? When I get home. It’s like a whiplash back into reality. One second I’m signing books and greeting the complimentary crowds, the next I’m walking in the door to kids who barely manage a deadpan, “Oh Mom, it’s you. I’m glad you’re home–‘cuz we’re out of bread. And somebody must’ve spilled a bunch of milk inside the fridge ‘cuz it smells really nasty in there.”

I’m suddenly “persona non au gratin”—no longer the big cheese. It’s so funny that I can go straight from the applause of a gracious audience to cleaning the cat box.

While I admit I love my short reigns as queen, I have to tell you that there’s something quite comfortable about coming home to bread-fetching, milk-mopping and cat-box-cleaning servitude. Living with an entire brigade of pride police really isn’t a bad thing.

Humility can be so tricky. Once you realize you have it, it’s probably a point of pride—and then it’s gone! The best way to stay humble is to stay focused on Christ, our example. We’re told in Philippians 2:5-8 to have his attitude. “Let this same attitude and purpose and humble mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus:  Let Him be your example in humility. Who, although being essentially one with God and in the form of God, possessing the fullness of the attributes which make God God, did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained, But stripped Himself of all privileges and rightful dignity, so as to assume the guise of a servant (slave), in that He became like men and was born a human being. And after He had appeared in human form, He abased and humbled Himself still further and carried His obedience to the extreme of death, even the death of the cross!” (AMP)

Jesus was true royalty, not the temporary, speaking-event kind. He is rightly called the King of all kings. Yet this passage tells us that He didn’t hang on to those rights as royalty. He pushed them aside on our behalf and took on servant status. Imagine leaving the splendor of a Heaven beyond any five star hotel we can picture to serve and to unselfishly give His life.

I really do want to be like Him. I want to humbly serve before any crowd. And I want to humbly serve as I load my shopping cart with four gallons of milk. The Message phrases Proverbs 15:33b this way: “First you learn humility, then you experience glory.” By His grace, there’s glory before the crowds. I truly believe that in humble surrender, by His grace, there’s glory in the cat box too.

Rhonda Rhea is a radio personality, conference speaker, humor columnist and author of eight books, including High Heels in High Places and the newest, soon-to-be-released, How Many Light Bulbs Does It Take to Change a Person? You can find out more at www.RhondaRhea.com.

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