Would You Smell This?

By Rhonda Rhea –

Tell me you’re not one of those people who says to another family member, “Hey, would you smell this?” Unless we’re talking fresh flowers, new cologne or hot-out-of-the-oven bread, that’s rarely a question that causes a family member think, “Oh boy, this is going to be great!”

Why is it that there are those who see chunks in the milk or come across questionable socks in between the clean and dirty pile of laundry, and (emphasis on this next part) being unwilling to sniff any of it themselves, sort of pawn the smell off on someone else? I don’t want to smell this. It might be disgusting. Here, you do it.

Isn’t the sense of smell the only one of the five senses that we regularly use as a weapon? It’s a little like chemical warfare, isn’t it? There should be a standing universal rule of etiquette, approved by the Geneva Convention, that says you should never ask anyone to smell something you’re not willing to smell yourself. Sort of a “smell unto others as you would have them smell unto you” rule. I don’t think we could call it a golden rule, but maybe at least aluminum.

On the spiritual side, anytime we encourage people to live a life of righteousness for Christ when we’re not living it ourselves, we’re definitely sniffing up the wrong tree, as it were. We need to make it our own personal universal rule to follow Jesus out of love for Him. It’s the right thing to do. And as a bonus, it’s a testimony that prompts those around us in right living. Psalm 106:2 asks the question, “Who can proclaim the mighty acts of the Lord or fully declare his praise?” (NIV). Then the psalmist answers the question in the next verse:  “Blessed are they who maintain justice, who constantly do what is right.”

Not to be too nosy here, but have you asked yourself recently if you’re making a positive difference in this world by the way you’re living? Are you maintaining justice? Constantly doing what is right? Is your testimony of righteousness influencing and inspiring those around you to live well too?

Making a personal rule of consistently doing what is right out of love for Christ is always the best idea. It’s ever so much more important than living life according to the aluminum rule—or any other precious metal rule we can come up with. A personal rule of obedience is one that helps spread the charge to right living beyond ourselves as we proclaim his mighty acts and fully declare his praise, just as the psalmist inspires. And that’s like a sweet smelling offering to the Lord. Isn’t that a blessing of the sweetest spiritual olfactory kind?

Of course back on the physical olfactory side, I’m thinking it’s also a good idea to make it a personal rule that if you see chunks in the milk, don’t even bother sniffing. Just have some coffee.

It’ll Curl Your Hair

By Rhonda Rhea –

We’ve never been one of those families that sits around a campfire telling scary stories. Too creepy. Every once in a while, though, I have to admit I liked to frighten my teenage girls with one of the scariest stories I know. And it happened to me. It’s the story about when I was a little girl. And my mom….gave me (insert a maniacal “mwah-ah-ah” here)…a home perm. Cue scary dissonant organ chord.

I describe in gory detail how I had to spend several weeks looking like a dandelion, the other cruel children making wishes and blowing on my head. Frightening. Nothing can raise up a fresh batch of goose bumps like a story of evil Frankenstein-ish chemicals and a perm gone bad. What could be scarier than that first look in the mirror? You’re pretty sure you’re so frightened you’re hair is standing on end, but who could tell? And the smell? It would singe the hair right out of your nose. After hearing my dandelion story, I honestly think my girls would buy a home lobotomy kit before they would buy a home perm kit.

Didn’t I hear this comment about that bottle of perm solution?  “I’d rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me.” Yeah, that had to be perm related.

How many people do you know who seem to have found a lobotomy blue light special? So many seem to make every life decision pointedly and purposefully completely opposite what the Lord spells out for us to do in His Word. It’s like mocking His instruction! Now there’s a reason to fear. Proverbs 9:9-12 says, “Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer” (NIV).

Making life choices contrary to the Father’s instruction brings suffering. But choosing to live a life of obedience results in wisdom, blessing and reward. That life of obedience starts with the good kind of fear. Not the hair-curling kind of fear, but a humble, awed reverence for the holy, holy, holy God.

Knowing, fearing and following Him might not guarantee every day is a good hair day, but wisdom really does lead to more wisdom. It’s blessing becoming more blessing. The blessings lead right into our ultimate blessing when we’ll see Jesus face to face. There will be no more evil, no more pain, and no more tears. It’s an eternal life full of love and laughter. And none of our heavenly laughter will be that maniacal kind.

That’s a thought that almost always leaves me goose-bumpy. The good kind of goose bumps. Not the chemically inspired kind.

©2011 Rhonda Rhea

The Perfect Centerpiece

By Rhonda Rhea –

There’s hardly anything I enjoy more than a good meal. That’s probably why I don’t cook much.

I guess that’s also why I love, love, love whoever it was who invented the marvelous, miraculous…frozen dinner. What a genius! I owe this person. Everyone talks about those fancy ice sculptures. But me? A frozen family-sized lasagna is a thing of beauty to me. There’s a centerpiece you can sink your teeth into!

Those frozen masterpieces not only rescue those of us who are oven-challenged, but they’re also great for helping with that “what to have for dinner” decision. Anytime I’ve stared blankly into the pantry for more than a few minutes and still can’t decide, I head straight for the freezer. I open that magic door and find, oh glorious day, someone has already decided! Other times when I’m having a bad grocery day and there aren’t enough ingredients in there to put together anything besides a pickle-loaf/noodle/Dorito casserole, I check that freezer—and dinner is done! Some days I just plain don’t want to spend an hour in the kitchen. No problem. In the freezer, dinner is already done! If they made it any easier they would be digesting it for me.

I’m embarrassed to admit how much I depend on my freezer for dinner (though, for the record, I do try to make sure I do all my own digesting). And working in exquisite harmony with my freezer, I can’t forget my microwave. My beautiful, beautiful microwave. We’ve never needed a dinner bell. The beep of the microwave signals everyone that dinner is ready. That beep has become music to my ears.

Seriously, even sweeter music to my ears? The sweet, sweet song of salvation! Our redemption is all about and all through Jesus. When He paid our sin debt on the cross, it was finished. In Jesus, it’s already done!

Just take a look at how the Amplified Bible expresses Hebrews 7:25:  “Therefore He is able also to save to the uttermost (completely, perfectly, finally, and for all time and eternity) those who come to God through Him, since He is always living to make petition to God and intercede with Him and intervene for them.” We might even think of it as a “centerpiece” kind of life, bringing His perfect “peace” to our very “center.”

Jesus saves to the uttermost. Completely and perfectly. Finally and eternally. Sound the beautiful beep, it’s done! He had already decided before the foundation of the world to redeem His children back to himself. And what He decides to do, He does. We don’t have to stew over our redemption. We only have to accept it and live it out.

But speaking of stew, I just heard the microwave sound the dinner bell. It’s playing my song. Though just in case you think I never fix anything at all that’s not frozen, you should know I also make a mean Italian sauce. Never frozen. … It’s from a jar.

Persona Non Au Gratin

By Rhonda Rhea –

Do you know how glorious it is to speak at an event that’s directed by a thoughtful and gracious event coordinator? Those are the trips that are somewhere near heaven. Ah, to be chauffeured about, fed the best meals from the finest restaurants, then transported to a posh hotel, only to find a gorgeous gift basket already delivered to the room. Bubble bath waiting. Bed turned down. Mint on the pillow. It’s good to be queen.

Okay, no one knows as well as I do that I don’t deserve to be treated like a queen. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it, does it?

You know when I truly realize I’ve been unduly treated like royalty? When I get home. It’s like a whiplash back into reality. One second I’m signing books and greeting the complimentary crowds, the next I’m walking in the door to kids who barely manage a deadpan, “Oh Mom, it’s you. I’m glad you’re home–‘cuz we’re out of bread. And somebody must’ve spilled a bunch of milk inside the fridge ‘cuz it smells really nasty in there.”

I’m suddenly “persona non au gratin”—no longer the big cheese. It’s so funny that I can go straight from the applause of a gracious audience to cleaning the cat box.

While I admit I love my short reigns as queen, I have to tell you that there’s something quite comfortable about coming home to bread-fetching, milk-mopping and cat-box-cleaning servitude. Living with an entire brigade of pride police really isn’t a bad thing.

Humility can be so tricky. Once you realize you have it, it’s probably a point of pride—and then it’s gone! The best way to stay humble is to stay focused on Christ, our example. We’re told in Philippians 2:5-8 to have his attitude. “Let this same attitude and purpose and humble mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus:  Let Him be your example in humility. Who, although being essentially one with God and in the form of God, possessing the fullness of the attributes which make God God, did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained, But stripped Himself of all privileges and rightful dignity, so as to assume the guise of a servant (slave), in that He became like men and was born a human being. And after He had appeared in human form, He abased and humbled Himself still further and carried His obedience to the extreme of death, even the death of the cross!” (AMP)

Jesus was true royalty, not the temporary, speaking-event kind. He is rightly called the King of all kings. Yet this passage tells us that He didn’t hang on to those rights as royalty. He pushed them aside on our behalf and took on servant status. Imagine leaving the splendor of a Heaven beyond any five star hotel we can picture to serve and to unselfishly give His life.

I really do want to be like Him. I want to humbly serve before any crowd. And I want to humbly serve as I load my shopping cart with four gallons of milk. The Message phrases Proverbs 15:33b this way: “First you learn humility, then you experience glory.” By His grace, there’s glory before the crowds. I truly believe that in humble surrender, by His grace, there’s glory in the cat box too.

Rhonda Rhea is a radio personality, conference speaker, humor columnist and author of eight books, including High Heels in High Places and the newest, soon-to-be-released, How Many Light Bulbs Does It Take to Change a Person? You can find out more at www.RhondaRhea.com.

Stringing Along

By Rhonda Rhea –

“Son, did you clean your room?”

“Yeah, Mom, it’s all done.”

Funny how when you look into your teenage son’s room, you find that it’s “all done,” yet things still seem to be swarming in there. Personally, I rarely go in without haz-mat gear.

Teen vision is amazing. I’m nearing the finish line in raising five of them and it’s still remarkable to me that a teenager can look directly at the biggest, ugliest, most disgusting mess and totally not see it.

I opened my microwave not too ago and found a big, fat mound of cheese cooked onto the bottom of the microwave. Someone obviously tried to make one of those nacho mountains. But how could a person zap Mt. Nacho and completely miss the fact that it’s doing a volcano cheese eruption kind of a thing a couple of minutes in? And then how could that teen just walk away and leave all the cheese-lava smoldering there? You would think even a teen would notice something was up when he pulled the plate out, got halfway across the kitchen, then realized the plate was still connected to the microwave by a 6-foot stretchy string of cheese. The only viable answer? Teenage select-a-vision.

Of course, it’s also just about as easy to have selective vision in our spiritual lives sometimes. Isn’t it so much more pleasant to find a fault in someone else than it is to notice a weakness of our own? I don’t even want to think about how many nacho-type messes I’ve noticed in others, all the while stringing along a six-foot-long cheese rope of my own.

But Jesus can give us a different kind of vision. It’s vision that’s not so quick to dismiss our own messes. He asked in Matthew 7:3-5, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Jesus’ kind of vision clears those hypocrisies right up. And His kind of vision is the kind that sees the best in others. His vision is filtered through love. First Corinthians 13:5 tells us that real love “is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

According to verse two in that chapter, even mountain-moving faith gets us nowhere if there’s no love.

Loving according to the Lord’s example will keep us on the right track and help us to consistently see things more clearly. It’s not only better vision, it’s the best vision.

By that mountain-moving faith, I’m seeking to hang on to that kind of love vision through those weird scenes in the microwave. Getting plenty of practice. Last week somebody exploded a dozen or so pizza rolls into a forest-looking scene just before another nacho-cano. Now I can’t see the mountain for the cheese.

Rhonda Rhea is a radio personality, conference speaker, humor columnist and author of seven books, including High Heels in High Places and her newest book, Whatsoever Things Are Lovely: Must-Have Accessories for God’s Perfect Peace. You can find out more at www.RhondaRhea.org.

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