Father’s Day (Part 2)

By Lori Freeland –

My hands shake. I lean against the bedroom wall, the phone pressed against my ear. Tears stream down my cheeks. I hate Father’s Day. Once a year, my heart is ripped out, leaving a hole that takes weeks to bandage. Why am I calling my dad today of all days? The last time we talked, it didn’t go so well. That was two years ago. Read more

Father’s Day (Part 1)

By Lori Freeland –

There were years I gave ties, years I gave tools—those were the good years. Then there were years I gave nothing—those were bad years. Read more

The Heart of the Beholder: The Power of God-esteem

By Lori Freeland –

Cool air streamed through the open window, cooling the cup of cinnamon coffee at my elbow. I extended my hand towards my laptop to chase away the screen saver, a photo of Alek and me in the backyard with the dog. I caught myself drifting quickly past the image of me to focus on my son. Not because I wished Alek would pass through the skater stage and get a haircut, but rather because I didn’t care to scrutinize myself too closely.

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When Not Good Enough Screams Pride

By Lori Freeland –

Pride. That nasty thing that precipitates my downfalls.

When I hear the word pride, I think of times in my life when I’ve longed to be the center of attention, hogged the credit for a project, elevated myself above the rules, and walked my road alone—confident my way was best.

I don’t often attach the word pride to the idea of low self-esteem.

Who would? Low self-esteem equals humility. When I don’t believe I’m good enough, I’ve kicked pride in the backside. Right?

Maybe not.

What if by not believing in myself, I’ve committed my largest act of pride?

Look at it this way.

God isn’t stingy when He dispenses gifts. He isn’t stingy with talents and skills either. So what if He loaded your arsenal with everything He wanted you to be and you turned away, hung your head, toed the ground and said, “No thanks. You’ve made a mistake. I’ll never be good enough.”

That’s exactly what Moses did. He had an entire argument with God about why he wasn’t good enough. Read Exodus chapters 3 and 4.

Here’s the part near the end of their interchange:

Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.

Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him (Exodus 4:10-13 NIV).

Who was Moses to question God? Who I am to argue?

God gave Moses everything he needed to do His work.

Moses couldn’t see God’s provision through the reveal of the burning bush, his “live” conversation with the Master of the Universe, or the gift of Aaron.

Moses hung his head, scuffed his toe, and said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

What does God want you to do for Him? What experiences and people and opportunities has he placed in front of you that you’ve ignored because of your low self-esteem?

Remember that catchy phrase? If God leads you to it, he’ll bring you through it.

Pride isn’t telling everyone why you’re not worthy.

Pride is being ungrateful for God’s gifts. Pride is turning from your talents. Pride is scorning your God-given skills.

If you’re a believer, it’s not really about self-esteem anyway. It’s about God-esteem.

He’s equipped you. Now go do the work.

Where is the Good?

By Lori Freeland –

“For He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name” (Luke 1:49 NIV).

Some life lessons come harder than others. Being good is one of them.

While I’ve struggled with various temptations and issues as a child, teen, daughter, friend, wife, and mother, I’ve always understood one truth.

Without the Lord in my life, I am nothing. Nothing good anyway.

Left on my own, I tend to cross the line, dabble in what pleases me, explore areas of life better left unknown.

Yes, I might manage to hang onto to a husband, produce little people that grow up to be functioning members of society, and enjoy a few close friendships.

I may have more happy days than sad. When you look at me, you might think I have it all together, that I’ve figured life out, that I’m sure about my path. That I am a good person.

But you would be wrong.

Inside, where it counts, I could never claim to be innately good.

I do what’s expected. Cover feelings considered unacceptable. Bite back words I know shouldn’t say. Work hard to fit in. Smile and frown on cue. Move forward. Juggle life. Deal with some issues. Bury others.

But anything truly good, anything right, anything pure does not originate in me. Because inside, I hide anti-good behaviors and thoughts. Inside, I squelch desires I know I shouldn’t have. Inside, I am a completely different person.

Although on the outside it may look like we’ve become better people as adults, sometimes we’ve just become better at masking our flaws and insecurities. Emotions like jealousy, hate, and anger never completely disappear just because we age and develop a few wrinkles.

Some days maturity has more to do with what I censor and harness inside my head than how much I’ve really grown and changed.

Sad, but true.

But hiding is not what God has asked of me. He doesn’t want me to conceal who I really am. He wants to change what’s inside me to reflect what’s inside Him.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8 NIV).

Those are the qualities God asks me to seek.

And so I do. With His help. Hoping one day, what He wants for me will be what I am.

He wants me to be honest. Stop hiding. Quit covering. Be real. Change inside and out. Permanently. He wants a new me. A renewed me. He wants the best for me.

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator” (Colossians 3:9,10 NIV).

Thankfully, it is in His strength that I find the best things, put them on, and offer them back to Him.

For in my strength alone, I will always remain helpless, insecure, and eons from innately good.

Lord, help me put on the new today. Help me look to You for the things You want for me. Change me in a way that means I can never go back to the old.

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