Shopping at Sky Mall
July 21, 2025 by Darren Marlar
Filed under Humor, Stories
By Darren Marlar –
By the time you read this I quite possibly could be a TV star thanks to my February 19th appearance on Cornerstone Television Network’s “Focus 4” program. Or I’ll still be a nobody, as I am now as I write this month’s column, sitting in a plane bound for home for Chicago after my TV appearance in Pittsburgh.
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And I Exited The Stage To the Song, “Blue Moon”
July 4, 2025 by Darren Marlar
Filed under Humor, Stories
By Darren Marlar –
Avatar, The Blue Man Group, The Veggie Tales’ Ms. Blueberry, the shape-changing lady from the X-Men comics, that alien chick on “Star Trek” that Captain Kirk made the moves on… wait a minute, I think maybe she was green. Whatever.
Failed New Year’s Resolutions
March 8, 2025 by Darren Marlar
Filed under Humor, Stories
By Darren Marlar
January 1st – I resolve to read my bible in one year. Day one.
January 2nd – I read day two in my bible.
January 8th – Say, wasn’t I supposed to be reading my bible every day? Well, I guess I blew it. The whole year is a wash now.
That’s how it always happens. In January I promise I’m going to do 100 sit-ups a day, give up sugar, run five miles each morning, and contribute all of my spare change to those less fortunate while making time for eight hours of prayer every evening before bed. About three hours later I find out exactly how weak my resolve truly is when I hear the muffled sound of the vanilla ice cream calling me from the freezer. I try to ignore it, but end up failing. I give up and say to myself, “Oh well – maybe next year. Now where’s that chocolate sauce? Hmmm… a new episode of CSI is on tonight. Ooh, it’s an eight hour CSI marathon… sweet!”
Failed New Year’s Resolutions
February 16, 2025 by Darren Marlar
Filed under Humor
By Darren Marlar
January 1st – I resolve to read my bible in one year. Day one.
January 2nd – I read day two in my bible.
January 8th – Say, wasn’t I supposed to be reading my bible every day? Well, I guess I blew it. The whole year is a wash now.
That’s how it always happens. In January I promise I’m going to do 100 sit-ups a day, give up sugar, run five miles each morning, and contribute all of my spare change to those less fortunate while making time for eight hours of prayer every evening before bed. About three hours later I find out exactly how weak my resolve truly is when I hear the muffled sound of the vanilla ice cream calling me from the freezer. I try to ignore it, but end up failing. I give up and say to myself, “Oh well – maybe next year. Now where’s that chocolate sauce? Hmmm… a new episode of CSI is on tonight. Ooh, it’s an eight hour CSI marathon… sweet!”
Welcome To Perry, Illinois… Population: 12
January 6, 2025 by Darren Marlar
Filed under Humor, Stories
By Darren Marlar
I was on my way home from a comedy gig in southern Illinois when my GPS suddenly lost power. I had no idea how much I relied on “Imogene” until she abruptly decided to give me the silent treatment. (I named my GPS Imogene because that’s my mother-in-law’s name and she also likes to tell me where to go.)
I was stuck with a farmer’s soybean field on one side of me, and on the other side… uh… oh, look at that… more soybeans! I looked for a map, or an atlas. Nothing. I pulled out my laptop computer to log on to MapQuest… still nothing. Apparently soybean farmers don’t have much of a need to set up Wi-Fi for their tractors and silos. Sure, the horses, cows, and chickens would probably love visiting websites about animals, but without opposable thumbs, it’d be difficult to type “w-w-w-dot-my-animal-genealogy-dot-com.”
