Chamomile Tea and Wolves

By Charlotte Riegel –

The private Facebook message was short and cutting. I sat reeling from the news. Composing my thoughts I sent a brief reply and asked a few questions. His response was even more painful than the first message and indicated he did not wish to communicate further.

Our relationship had a long history, a considerably rocky one, but I had no idea it had deteriorated to this. Admittedly, there had been minimal communication between us recently. It had been a long time since I had mastered an all-nighter, but this turned out to be one of my best for not sleeping. My mind simply would not turn off. After drinking chamomile tea to encourage much-needed sleep I spent the next few hours eliminating it, thereby counteracting the original purpose.

The following day I felt remarkably good for not having slept. My husband and I were encouraged by a conversation with someone mutual to both sides of this broken relationship and were directed to seek counselling. Another brief message was sent apologizing for our part in his current pain and opening the door for some bridge building over the murky waters. The ball had been tossed back into his court and we would await his move, hoping there would be one.

I survived the day much better than expected, however, as bedtime approached I was on a second wind. “Oh God, I need rest. Your Word promises that You give rest to Your people. Please help me sleep tonight.” Once again I tossed and turned, then rose for a journal hunt that might give insights into my head and heart space of many years prior when some of the issues first arose. And, I had another cup of chamomile tea in hopes of better results. After a few hours without success in finding the journals, I once again tried sleeping. This time, success. “Thank You, Lord.”

The next day was Sunday. As we prepared for the typical Soup Sunday at our church, I felt anger and bitterness rising from thoughts about the broken relationship. By the time we arrived at church I felt like a witch and had little of anything pleasant to say to anyone. It seemed best to keep silent. My feeble attempts to engage in worship were useless.

I scribbled a note to my husband indicating I would not be staying for the fellowship meal and planned to give it to him just before the benediction. Then we sang the song, “Lord, Listen to Your Children Praying”. I dissolved in tears. I could not even mentally articulate a prayer but God must have heard the cry of my heart because He sent a vision of one sheep leaving its fold and being attacked by a pack of wolves. The message was clear and I decided to stay. A sense of peace wrapped around me like a warm blanket and the bitter, angry feelings dissipated.

“Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude. Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ” (Ephesians 4:31-32 CEV).

“Surrender to God! Resist the devil, and he will run from you. Come near to God, and he will come near to you” (James 4:7-8 CEV).