Follow Instructions, Use as Directed

August 31, 2022 by  
Filed under Humor, Stories

By Rhonda Rhea –

If we actually follow the “lather, rinse, repeat” instructions on the shampoo bottle, won’t we end up stuck in a shower-time-loop for the rest of our lives?

Then again, if we read the directions on a lot of these products, we might instead just end up confused for the rest of our lives. Like the can of spray paint labeled, “Do not spray in your face.” Wow. Barely dodged that bullet.

Then there’s the blow dryer with the directions “Do not use while sleeping.” Again, whew—close one. And since we all seem to have such a difficult time figuring out how to grasp the complexities of the blow dryer, everyone will be relieved to know that there’s a blowtorch out there that actually says right on the label, “Not used for drying hair.”

I’m not sure why we’re especially confusable when it comes to getting good hair, but there’s also hair dye on a store shelf that gives the caution, “Do not use as ice cream topping.” And I thought I was a bad cook. I guess I must be at least better in the kitchen than some people because, believe it or not, there was actually a toaster that had to be labeled, “Do not use underwater.” Man. There goes all my underwater toast-making fun.

Even though I may never get to sit and enjoy my underwater toast, I’m okay with sticking to my convictions to remain a conscientious follower of directions. Lathering and re-lathering, it’s probably just a safer way to live. But so much more than any earthly directions, I want to do everything I can to ever-stick to my convictions to remain a conscientious follower of Christ.

In Matthew 4 we read about Jesus calling the first disciples to follow Him. “While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him. And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him” (Matthew 4:18-22 ESV).

Simple directions? Not really. To follow these instructions they had to first let go of what they held on to for security. They had to let go of most everything they knew. Even people they loved. Yet each of the four “immediately” left nets, boat, father—way of life—and followed.

It’s still His instruction to us today. Leave the things that used to bring you security. Leave the shiny distractions that once completely held your fancy. Leave the people you used to devote your time and energy and heart to. And follow.

Following Jesus in the complete abandon He calls us to is to enter into a surrender-loop for the rest of our lives. Love, follow, repeat.

Following Him. Lather or no lather, there’s no safer way to live. Really live. Even if you never obey the other labels. Though I have to tell you, I hate to imagine anybody failing to follow the directions on the mattress that read: “Do not attempt to swallow.”

About Rhonda Rhea

Rhonda Rhea is a radio personality, conference speaker, humor columnist and author of eight books, including High Heels in High Places and How Many Light Bulbs Does It Take to Change a Person? You can find out more at
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4 Responses to “Follow Instructions, Use as Directed”
  1. Cyn Rogalski says:

    These are SO good!
    Our fav is the mandolin (food chopper thing) we saw at the Dollar Store. It must have lost something in translation, because the label simply said, ” Not for other use.”

  2. Dawn Wilson says:

    Regarding every post you write, I will “love, follow, repeat”!

    Thank you, Rhonda, for once again reminding us to focus on the eternally valuable things in life.

  3. Rhonda Rhea says:

    That’s hilarious, Cyn!

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