Cutting the Unbiblical Cord

By Diane Mayfield –

I never dreamed giving our daughter away in marriage would be so difficult for me emotionally. It has been. I’ve struggled with this reality for almost two years. The gap between my intellect and my emotions on this leg of life’s journey has been expansive.

My daughter is an intelligent, spunky, outgoing, lovely young woman who married a great guy that we all enjoy and love. They are creating their own life together as husband and wife. Hooray! This was always our dream for her, part of our equipping her for God’s plan. I rejoice in this and praise God for what He’s done in allowing my husband and me parent this delightful young woman.

So, what’s the problem?

The problem is that my heart isn’t where my mind is. After thirty years of being a big priority in this woman’s life, I am second fiddle and it hurts. I know, I know. This is what I parented her for. I’m trying, but until today, my efforts were not succeeding. I’m weary of the battle. I’ve struggled with feelings of betrayal, loneliness, rejection, disappointment and anger. I misinterpret many things because I’m reading them through eyes that are blinded in so many ways.

A few weekends ago, I was hurt once again. I was horribly hurt and tired of it. I made assumptions and started telling myself untruths. I created quite a story inside my head, leaving my stomach in one big knot. The chatter in my head went something like this. “Well, I failed. I attempted to build in family values but they are not there. I don’t matter. I’m nothing.” The assumptions and lies went on and on until I was sliding into a deep hole of darkness. After venting to God and my husband, maybe not in that order, I moved on with the day.

Then I saw a cord-like image in my mind floating in the air. It was an umbilical cord. An umbilical cord provides support and sustenance between the mother and the baby until the baby can sustain life on its own. What I had created in my imagination was an “unbiblical cord” between my daughter and me. It was time for surgery.

I surrendered that day to God, the Master Surgeon. He cut away the emotional “unbiblical cord” that I wanted to maintain. I might have moments when I try to reattach it out of my fear and loneliness but I am certain the Holy Spirit will remind me of the surgery performed this day. The only umbilical cord I need now is the biblical one. It’s the one that connects me to God through Jesus.

Then came new vision. While rocking my six-month-old grandson, God opened my eyes to the woman my daughter had become. In my mind’s eye I saw my darling daughter delighting in her nephew as she played with him. She bent down to soothe his tears when he cried. No longer did I see my daughter, but a young woman, truly separate from me. In that dark room, rocking that precious child, light came to my blinded eyes.

With the “unbiblical cord” gone, I can now enjoy a different connection with a beautiful young woman who just happens to be my daughter. A different bond is forged between two separate children of God.

I hesitated to share this story with you. I do so because I suspect someone else might be going through the same thing but feeling too embarrassed to admit it. I never dreamed I would find the reverse “leaving and cleaving” so hard. One of you might be in that place too. If so, my hope for you is through the gentle work of the Master surgeon and healer you too will have the “unbiblical cord” cut. Then you and your family member or friend can start a new journey, separate, but joined together in a new relationship.