She Looks Like Me on the Inside

By Cindy Martin –

I stood in the hallway of my daughter’s school waiting to pick her up from volleyball practice as she and one of her coaches came out of the locker room. My daughter, Autumn, and I exchanged smiles as she walked toward me. Her coach looked at me and then looked back at Autumn and commented, “I would have never known you two were mother and daughter, your coloring is so different”.

Autumn matter-of-factly replied, “That’s because I’m adopted.” I could tell that her coach was feeling a little uncomfortable at her self-perceived faux pas but it was not an issue for Autumn and me.

We had talked often and openly about her becoming our ‘keeping kid’ so, as we turned to leave, I simply said, “No worries, she looks like me on the inside.” Autumn flashed a grin at me, locked her arm in mine and we headed for the car.

As we drove home that night, I mused on our interaction with Autumn’s coach. “She looks like me on the inside…” Her personality couldn’t be more opposite than mine, yet my daughter is very in tune with my thought processes and emotions. As she develops more independence as a teenager, I see and hear my influence on her in the way she thinks about things and the way she approaches life. Blips of panic began to surface on the radar screen of my mind. Memories of missed opportunities, selfish attitudes and lost tempers flooded my mind. Guilt started to suffocate my spirit. What if she does look like me on the inside? That may not necessarily be a good thing.

I wrestled with these thoughts for several days until God’s word came to slay the dragon of insecurity within me. “You didn’t choose me. I chose you” (John 15:16a NLT). Not only did God choose me to be His child but He also chose Autumn to be my child. I get to be her mom.

“The Lord says, ‘I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you'” (Psalm 32:8 NLT). God did such a good thing when He brought Autumn into our family. “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within [us], will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” (Philippians 1:6 NLT).

Prayer: Thank You Lord that You equip me for whatever life assignments You choose for me. Grant me grace and a desire to lean into the power and wisdom You make available.