Things Change
June 20, 2021 by Lori Freeland
Filed under Christian Life, Family Focus
By Lori Freeland –
Love you—the text read.
And I was doing better too. Hadn’t cried in over 22 hours. My eyes were just to the point of deswelling and the gigantic gaping ache in my heart slowed to a smaller, more tolerable throb.
Kyle’s text negated all that.
Not that I didn’t want to hear from him, because I did. But knowing he was so far away—an unhuggable, unreachable distance—made me want to wrap my arms around him even more.
Things change. Time grows our children. Life opens up new doors. I know this. I expected this. I even wanted this.
But still—change hurts. Even when it’s good.
Last weekend, my husband and I moved Kyle, my oldest child, to college. Four hours away. It’s what’s supposed to happen. I birthed him, I raised him, and I loved him—and now I let him go. It’s the clichéd natural order of things.
Only letting go is not that easy when you actually have to do it.
When you have someone in your life for eighteen years and you worry about him, pray and anguish over his relationships, his heart, and his health for 6570 days, 22 hours, 37 minutes, and 15 seconds, he’s kind of stuck to you. A part of you.
And that’s not easy to shake.
My role in Kyle’s life has changed. I know that. But it’s going to be a journey. At least for me. He’s having the time of his life and I’m glad.
I’ll let you know how it goes for me and what God teaches as I transition from hoverer to distant advisor.
Love you—I reread the text. Wiped away a tear. And straightened my shoulders.
Love you more—I texted back.
Some things won’t change and for that I’m grateful.
Have you ever have trouble letting someone go?
Lori Karvasale Freeland is a freelance writer from Plano, Texas. She holds a BA degree in psychology from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, which comes in handy in homeschooling three children. After surviving a long journey through pediatric cancer with her oldest son, she has a heart for women struggling in crisis situations. When she is not working on her first novel, she can be reached at lafreeland@hotmail.com. Visit her new blog at http://lafreeland.wordpress.com/
Went through what you are going through! It affected my health! Now the second one too! Did better. Now both boys have 12 month leases in other states, but Becca is still home!
I keep thinking that with Maddy, at least I’ll have her for a while!
Kellen is in full-contact football.
At 5’9, 220lbs, he’s the second largest kid on the 6th-grade team.
And yet, it’s all I can do to just keep my mouth shut and let the coach teach him things of which I have no qualification.
How much more, the ticking of the clock must ring in your ears?
Cliché? Yes.
Insignificant? No.
The good news? Four hours away means that, if he has transportation, he will be back to get his laundry done as much as possible.
Or so I hear…
Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only sappy parent out there! Kyle did come home this weekend…laundry in tow. 🙂
Eighteen months ago, our son moved 600 miles from our home due to his getting a job.I had to look at the positive- he had a job, a good job. He’s home right now, getting ready to drive to the airport and go back west. We haven’t seen him in six months. I understand your anxiety.He’s well beyond being a young adult. He’s our only child. I haven’t completely let go yet.
Do we ever completely let go? Probably…no.
Oh, Lori. I barely know you or your son, but I feel your sadness. This is tough, I’m sure. But something else makes me more teary-eyed when I read this. It’s thinking about those mothers who don’t have this kind of relationship with their sons or daughters. How blessed are you to be so close to him? That’s not a given. Sometimes it’s rare. Let yourself grieve for him, but know that it’s only because you’ve been so close to him that you feel this loss. What a gift. No one can take that away. Hugs, Michelle
Thank you for your sweet comment Michelle!