Where Is The Miracle? Part One

October 5, 2020 by  
Filed under Faith, Faith Articles

By Lori Freeland –

I follow a lot of CaringBridge sites.

If you are unfamiliar with this amazing cyber vision, check it out at www.CaringBridge.org. CaringBridge allows a family in medical crisis to post updates, prayer requests, and needs to a page that friends and family can access.

The sites I follow have catchwords like “children” and “oncology.” My rooting in the pediatric cancer community comes out of the four years our family spent battling leukemia with our oldest son, Kyle. Because we’ve tread our own rough journey, people send me CaringBridge links, ask me to write encouraging emails, and pray for their friends and family that are dealing with similar struggles. I consider their requests a privilege. The way I see it, if I can’t take something away from my stay in a very dark pit, what good are my experiences? Not letting Jesus use me would be a waste. I staggered through the journey for a reason. So did Kyle. And I wouldn’t give back the empathy, wisdom, or perspective that came out of that trek.

Here’s how this works for me. I go to the link and sign up to receive updates to my email. I read the journal entries and the family’s story. I pray for these anonymous kids until I know them and their parents—intimately. I join them on their journey—sometimes from a thousand miles away.

As I go about my own life—kids, homeschool, cleaning, laundry, activities—various updates load into my Inbox. I click on the updates and scan the latest news.

My heart breaks every single time.

These kids struggle with school and friend issues, unsuccessful and painful chemo treatments and surgeries, hair loss and mouth and skin sores, intense bone and muscle pain, and the desperate desire to just be “normal.” I’ve walked in those shoes. Fallen under the weight of Kyle’s agony. Lived the desperation to save my child—at any cost.

I’ve begged and pleaded for The Miracle in hopes of sparing the journey in favor of healing my child.

Many stories do not have a “happy” ending. Families dive into a dark pit where they breakdown, fall apart, and suffer right along with their child. Sometimes they get their lives back. Sometimes they don’t.

When the decline begins and the updates grow more desperate, my fingers hover over the Enter Key that will activate the link and I hesitate, knowing one day soon I will receive The News.

I relive the desperate hope, the deep need to believe in The Miracle. The pleas for The Miracle to come quickly. The anger when The Miracle fails to manifest.

I slump in my chair at the appearance of that last post listing interment arrangements. In lieu of a gift, please send a donation to the…

I ask myself, what happened to The Miracle? A question I mulled a lot while Kyle suffered. What sin kept The Miracle away? What treatment did his doctors leave out? What did I do wrong? What did I miss? What prayers did I leave out? Why did Kyle suffer through four years of hell before we got our lives back? Why did the sweet little girl in the hospital room next to ours go through three years of hell and never get her life back? We all ask these hard questions—controversial faith altering questions.

Here’s a new question: What if The Miracle did occur and I missed it?

God tells us, “…my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways” (Isaiah 55:8 NIV).

Coming Next: The Miracle Manifested Part Two

About Lori Freeland

Lori Karvasale Freeland is a freelance writer from Plano, Texas. She holds a BA degree in psychology from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, which comes in handy in homeschooling three children. After surviving a long journey through pediatric cancer with her oldest son, she has a heart for women struggling in crisis situations. When she is not working on her first novel, she can be reached at lafreeland@hotmail.com. Visit her new blog at http://lafreeland.wordpress.com/
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Comments

3 Responses to “Where Is The Miracle? Part One”
  1. Very important post, Lori! I have a friend dying of brain cancer, and after her last brain surgery, I got angry. Very angry. Why wouldn’t God heal her? It’d be so easy for Him to do so! I went through a bitter period. It was actually my dying friend who spoke the words able to slice through my anger. She reminded me that God is always working, but maybe we are so focused on looking for Him in the big, we miss out on the small miracles He sprinkles through every day.

    Then she went on to share with me all the love sprinkles He’s shown her since she was diagnosed. And they were beautiful, and cut straight to my heart.

    The greatest miracle she reminded me of was the miracle of Immanuel–God with us. That’s what she has each day, each moment, in the highs and lows, illness and health.

  2. Alan Mowbray says:

    Thanks for the post Lori.
    I tend to shy away from sites like CB cause I can’t bear the thought of even people I don’t know going through a loss like that. It just breaks me.

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