Second-Guessing Motherhood

Bruce and I had been married nine years when we found out we were expecting our first child. Joyous tears streamed down our faces as we looked at the plus mark on our home pregnancy test. I had dreamed for years of cradling a sweet baby in my arms, gazing into the eyes of a precious innocent child, curling fingers around mine and sweet butterfly kisses. We were going to be parents! I was going to be a mommy.

Only six and a half months passed before my mothering skills and my faith were tested. Our daughter was born 13 weeks premature and suddenly all that really mattered was survival. We prayed diligently over her plastic-wrapped bed, murmuring our thoughts in choked breaths as we watched this dream of parenthood turn to a nightmare in slow motion. I suddenly felt so inept to be a mother.

But, God had a miraculous plan for our daughter’s life. She’s a healthy seven-year-old today. Things have changed. Her two-pound body is now strong and healthy. She’s smart and funny and full of life. Those days in the NICU are long past, but somehow the doubts I struggled with still penetrate my thoughts.

What am I doing? Will she grow up to be a godly woman? Am I doing the right thing? How do I show her how special she is? What’s the best way to discipline her? How do I know she understands?

Ever been there? Wondering why you signed up for this? Wondering if you’re doing this motherhood thing right? You’re not alone. I am right there with you most days, praying for wisdom, talking with my own mother, asking advice, reading about God’s plan for the family. We’ve added another little life to our family now, and the same doubts, concerns and even fears keep me wondering, hoping and praying that God will guide this family ship.

In some ways I wish I was more confident and in more ways I am glad I am not. It keeps me trusting in God. It keeps me going to the perfect Father with my concerns. It keeps me grounded and secure. As we celebrate Mother’s Day this month, I’m staying encouraged. I don’t have to have all the answers or know all the details as long as I stay close to the one who does.

PRAYER: Thank You Lord for the special gifts You’ve given me. Thank You for the wonderful children You’ve entrusted me with. Please keep me close, near Your heart, so that I can be the best mom for my kids. Help me trust You with them. Keep me alert to their spiritual needs. Thank You for them.

“Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward,” Psalm 127:3 KJV.

Today’s devotion is by Gina Stinson. Gina is a wife, homeschooling mom and publicist assistant. In her spare time she enjoys reading, writing, playing with her kids, gardening, decorating, piano and being involved in her community and church. Read more about her at http://journalinggina.blogspot.com.