By Heather Allen –
If you have been part of a church for more than a millisecond, you’ve realized there’s an in crowd. At times I have been in, with all the right lingo pouring out, right smack in the A list. At times I have been out, splitting my time between figuring out how to get in and convincing myself why I don’t really want to be there.
I met a woman I considered a mentor. Of course, she had no idea who I was. But I tried to move into her life anyway. The problem was other people wanted to move in too, and before I knew it the only spot left was the basement closet…not exactly the hotspot. Not a place the owner visits much, just here and there when looking for holiday decorations or an old pair of boots to lend out. On those rare occasions when she would visit me, I sat on the edge of my seat hoping she would see something worthwhile in me, hoping she would invite me to the living room. She is something and if she likes me, maybe I’m something too. Perhaps the only thing worse than never meeting someone you greatly admire, is meeting, and realizing they could care less. I decided if she could just see the real me, things would be different. She would care. I did everything I could to show her I was worth her time. I vacillated between feeling like a circus performer trying to juggle every new act just to get her attention, and a sell-out. Of course she was always polite, but when I heard her say she was deeply lonely, I was astonished.
The question I wanted to dismiss, stared at me. Like a child, repeatedly told to go to bed, it stalled, waiting. I rolled on my side, turning my face away. I began reading Galatians. But I confess, I found it hard to move past chapter one. There, in black and white was the mirror I could not shield my eyes from.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10, NIV).
The Creator, the one who organized every living being, blowing breath on dust, didn’t just invite me over for an afternoon of conversation & coffee. He asked if He could move right into me. How could I look past His deep, steady love? Why fill the chasm with approval that can be bought?
Trust His love. May it be the rain that cascades over, coursing through veins, bringing life.
Heather Allen spends most of her time carrying for her hubby and 3 kids. Check out her blog: http://www.thebloodknot.blogspot.com/