Power Cord Outage
By Lynn Rebuck –
After years of my own diligent research and experimentation, I have discovered that electronic appliances work better if you plug them in first. I do not regret the time I have spent in this academic pursuit, watching toasters that don’t toast, observing coffee makers that refuse to make coffee, and studying printers that fail to print.Given my curious nature, after half an hour or so of staring at un-popped toast, I usually figure out that there’s something wrong with the toaster and consult the instruction manual. After brushing up on my foreign language skills by browsing through instructions in several languages and learning about the dangers of making toast while bathing, (what is it about stepping into a steamy bubble bath that makes one crave toaster strudel?) I find the troubleshooting section in the back that informs me that if toast isn’t popping, I need to pop the plug into an outlet.
With toasters, the solution’s relatively simple; with other appliances, especially computers and their peripherals (whatever those are), it’s a different story. In the past few years, plugging in computer stuff has become increasingly difficult, as the cords are always missing.
In my home, there seems to be a power cord outage.
If you ask me, it’s all Henry Hubbell’s fault. After all, in 1904 he invented the electrical plug.
Power cords should not be made so that they detach from the devices that need them so desperately. As far as I can tell, this is a design flaw with most recent electronic products. The cords should not be allowed to roam freely around the house, as they are never nearby when you need them. This freedom gives power cords far too much power.
An absent power cord has the power to bring me to my knees, as I poke and probe under couches and crawl around on hands and knees to look in every nook and cranny, which makes me then want to toast English muffins. The cords seem to slither away to the furthest recesses of a room.
After I hear a cry of “Mom, there’s a cord under my bed, and I don’t know what it goes to,” I will usually appear with a long stick in hand, retrieve the cord, and place it with the others in a dry aquarium under a warm light bulb. Occasionally I toss in a computer mouse. I believe the cords are multiplying. They do not fit any electronic devices that we own.
It would be helpful if manufacturers actually colored the cords like snakes. Then we could just consult a published guide to clearly identify them and return them to their native habitat.
“What’s the cord look like, dear?”
“It has red diamond shapes on its back, with white dots in the middle of each diamond,” a child could say.
“Don’t worry, it’s not poisonous. It goes to Daddy’s portable printer,” I could reply with confidence. “It’s been missing for weeks.”
I guess what I really need is a Bluetooth toaster that I can power with my laptop — provided I can find the cord.
Lynn Rebuck writes an award-winning weekly humor column that appears in print and online at www.LynnRebuck.com, where you can check out her blog. Fan her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter, and email her at LynnRebuck@gmail.com. © 2010 Lynn Rebuck