Keep on Pluckin’
I have been molting all winter.
For months now, people have been treating me like a Perdue chicken by plucking feathers off of me wherever I go. It’s the fault of my leaky down-filled coat. I don my down in mid-September, and remove it in early June. This winter, though, the down is trying to make an early escape.
Apparently there is a technique to prevent the sneaky feathers from abandoning the coat. My friends told me to put the coat in the dryer with three tennis balls. They never told me to first take the balls out of the can.
The feathers have caused me some embarrassment.
Last Saturday, I spoke before a group of Christian writers. Afterward I learned that a large feather had been protruding from an obvious place on my chest the entire time. Prior to speaking I had checked my hair and lipstick in the mirror; I had failed to thoroughly preen myself.
At church on Sunday I removed my coat only to find I had spontaneously sprouted wings. I was quickly recruited to portray an angel in the next dramatic presentation.
The Lord promised in Isaiah 40 that, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles.” I just never expected it to happen so suddenly.
Monday I went grocery shopping. I took off my coat and placed it in the cart only to discover the coat had left me draped in a feather boa. I shopped like Cher. I worked the boa and strutted down the aisles belting out “Do You Believe in Life after Love?” I got a strange look from the butcher.
I have decided to make feathers fashionable. I figure if I can’t beat them, I might as well enjoy them.
Last night a very colorful, distinctive feather roosted in my hair. I felt as proud as a peacock. I spent the evening watching NBC.
Joseph had his coat of many colors; I have my coat of many feathers.
I must admit that the constant preening has worn me out. Since I’ve been tired and feathered, I’ve started acting a bit more goose-like. I’m suddenly very territorial and I’ve been honking a lot, sometimes even when I’m driving.
Last week I tried aligning my small group into a “V” formation.
I don’t like the cold, and it’s been so cold here this winter. But there’s good news though: there are only a few more weeks until spring. I can’t take much more of winter. Punxsutawney Phil had better choose his words carefully if he wants to live to see the light of another Groundhog Day.
Keep on Pluckin’ © 2010 Lynn Rebuck
Lynn Rebuck is an award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and reporter who next year is flying south for the winter. Visit www.LynnRebuck.com and read more of her humor columns, view humor videos, and become a fan on Facebook. ©2010 Lynn Rebuck