An Emotional Affair
By Robi Ley
“We’re just friends. I can talk to him.” Have you ever said that about a man you know, but weren’t married to? If you have, you need to be aware of the inherent danger in such a statement and in such a relationship.
You may be asking yourself “What in the world is she talking about?” I’m talking about having an intimate friendship with someone who isn’t your husband.
All of us have friends of both sexes. There’s nothing wrong with that. You can’t have too many friends. But that’s not the same thing. An intimate friendship, one that involves long talks in private, email, phone calls, lunches without your spouse or other people present; all these things can unintentionally cause a rift in your marriage that you may not even be aware of.
I know whereof I speak. I have very few close female friends. I was one of those who, because I was such a tomboy growing up, always made friends with the guys easier than I did with the girls. That has continued into my adult life. Combine that with a personality that is a natural flirt, and I have had to really watch myself. It is very easy for that kind of friendship to drift into dangerous waters.
Why? That type of relationship should be reserved for your husband. He is supposed to be the one you go to for that deep, emotional support everyone needs. If you have a male friend that you are leaning on emotionally, beware. Emotional intimacy can lead to physical intimacy. It doesn’t have to, and it’s not a given that if you’re emotionally close to a man you will be physically close with him. But, why run the risk? Why rob your husband of those emotionally intimate moments if you wouldn’t rob him of the physical ones? The two are closely tied together.
God designed marriage to be between one man and one woman. They were to ‘cleave’ together, become one. That’s not just a physical event. That cleaving involves every aspect of both lives – physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental.
I am not saying give up who you are to become a dim reflection of your husband. Or vice versa. Together, you enhance each other’s individuality. Giving up even one of those areas to someone else is tantamount to emotional adultery.
Don’t abandon your friends. You need them all. Just be careful. Guard your mind as well as your heart. Where one goes, the other tends to follow.